Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Dancing with the Stars - Pitbull time!

Last week was partnership switch up but no elimination, The judges were hash, Jonathan's eyes expressed his disbelief at the feedback, Michael didn't do well, and apparently Witney was reduced to tears after dancing.

This week Leah Remini is guest hosting for Erin, who seems to think the World Series is more important than Pitbull night. The World Series doesn't give mirror ball trophies, Erin. Priorites! I'm not sure about this whole guest host thing. Ugh. This is going to be a long night. Just sayin...

Pitbull is shakalalaaaka on firrrrrreeeee. He's also the guest judge. Is Len ever coming back?

So as a judge, what is Mr. Worldwide looking for? Mr. 305 is looking for fire and a word in Spanish I can't recognize and something hotttttttt. Okay then.

Jumping right into things: Tommy and Peta are safe! Janel and Val are in jeopardy. Jonathan and Allison are in jeopardy. He doesn't look that surprised, everyone else looks stunned, but that might be because of Janel and Val.

Jonathan and Allison are dancing first. We get a recap of last week and his dance with Peta still looks dangerous and awkward. Jonathan enters the studio with his best Jack Nicholson "I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack" and Allison drags him into a closet??!? but of course doesn't shut off the mike and we hear her tell him. Be you. Be you. Okay, says Jonathan. Come on out of the closet, Jonathan. Allison has given you a life metaphor opportunity! Just be you and come out of the closet! But good luck taming the expressions.  Allison voice overs/interviews that the judges and America need to see who he really is. I agree. Michael won the class clown role this season. Let him do his thang and you do yours, Jyebrows.

They are dancing jazz this week to a Men in Black song. The Pitbull one, not the Will Smith one because Will will not be coming to DWTS. Okay, show!?!! He's not coming. This dance is awesome. They do some lifts and they are light years ahead of last week. Amazing!! I like this Jonathan!

Judges;  (Tom loved it!) Julianne starts off like she's gonna be harsh and then says he gave her exactly what she was looking for. She holds her arms out for a hug and he jumps up on the table like a puppy and hugs her. LOL! Bruno says he was slick, sharp, and he hopes he stays. Carrie Ann says the best part about him is his resilience and that he didn't miss a step. Pitbull, whose real name is Alfonso Christian Perez, compliments the song choice and says that Jonathan looks just like Will Smith. Psych! He calls them extra terrestrial dance moves. But we only have two hours so Tom shoos them up to Leah.

Leah: you killed it babe!! And she tells him to give her the eyes. When he's too busy talking and being serious, she does the eyes. O. M. G. I take back any reservations about her guest hosting! Then everyone does the eyes. I'm dying!!!!!!!!!

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Pitbull 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32.

Commercials and then Janel and Val.  Teaser for show drama. Shut up, ABC.

We are back with Janel and Val. It's an awkward moment in the studio. He tells her that he felt a little uncomfortable last week. She tries to get him to say he missed her and he does, but I smell production interference. We see some tension during rehearsal. He gets mad and leaves. Janel seems more worried about her hair and the rolling cameras. Whatever.

They are dancing Samba. I love this song, but I have no idea what it's called. There's something off about this dance this week, but I don't know what. She looks really emotional too. I wonder what's going on.

Judges: Bruno says that's how you corner the market on hot Latinas. He compliments her body movement. Carrie Ann says she's always amazed with her and that she performs with her whole body but her balance was a bit off. Maybe that was it. Pitbull says the singer is one of his favorite performers. He also says he didn't feel the passion. Yes, that was missing too. Julianne says the routine was almost competition level and she thought it was great.

Up to the sky box, but first we plug the live feed with Lacey and Dominic. Yawn.  Leah asks them about the lack of passion, Janel says she always feels passion when dancing with Val. He even waxed his chest. He does the Steve Carrel re-enactment from 40 Year Old Virgin but he doesn't do it well. You should stick to dancing, Val. Janel is the actor of the two of you. Leah calls him out on his 'storm out' during rehearsal because he came back in for his keys. Janel didn't notice because she was looking in the mirror and messing with her hair. Sigh. Sniiiiiiiffff....what's that odor? Oh, right. Manufactured drama.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Pitbull 7, Julianne 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 33.  She tells them to go fool around. ABC, hire her IMMEDIATELY!

Peta and Tommy are next .Commercials.

Florence Henderson is in the audience. Hi Mrs.Brady!

Tommy and Peta do a skit about 'recharging their batteries'. They go to a sweat lodge since ABC will have none of the marijuana nonsense. Cloris Leachman does a guest appearance as his vision.

They are dancing the foxtrot. He looks to Peta for cues, but it's a decent foxtrot. He always looks like he's having fun when he's out there. I'll be sad when he goes.

Judges: Carrie Ann says he's back and in great form. A few mistakes, but he brings so much joy to the dance floor. Pitbull says he's the most interesting man in the world. It wasn't perfect, but he was fun. Julianne says that was the Tommy from week 1,2,3, etc. Bruno says he was better in hold.

Up to Leah. She says he killed it, and he says, 'Almost, it almost killed me'. That was also the first time he'd seen that full sketch bit so it threw him a little.

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Pitbull 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 28. He says he feels great but needs votes.

Oh, Len will be back next week. Sweet.

Commercials.

We're back. Paula Abdul is in the audience too. Is that Justin Beiber beside her? I hope not!

More results: Lea and Artem, Sadie and Mark, Antonio and Cheryl are all safe!

Antonio and Cheryl are next. Antonio gives Cheryl a flower with thorns still on it. Nice job, dude. In rehearsal, Cheryl gets a text that her dad had a seizure and she might have to go to Thailand. She's in tears and he tells her "it's a hard time for you, I feel it. I sense it."  I know he's trying to be nice and supportive, but that's some really bad acting, right there. They keep rehearsing while waiting to hear back from Cheryl's mom. Now, that part seems real.  The next day we find out that Cheryl heard from her dad and he wants her to perform. I really, really hope he's okay.

Time to salsa! This routine had the potential to be incredible, but Antonio always seems to stomp through his choreo. I think he's trying really hard, but it's just not natural.

Judges: Pitbull says that was a sexy record and it was fun out there. Julianne says he takes what they say and works on it. She loved the story line and gives Cheryl a shout out for her dad. Bruno says she created the perfect atmosphere and that Antonio needs to get the hip action right. Carrie Ann says the trajectory of growth is consistent. He needs to feel the music. Oops..out of time!

Up to Leah! Yay! Cheryl says thank you to her DWTS family for all the support. Antonio says that family comes first. I agree! Leah fake-bitches about the fact that he didn't take off his shirt and demands that he take it off RIGHT NOW. He says he'll take it off next week. Leah looks like she's going to take off Cheryl's head the way she keeps hugging her.

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Pitbull 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7. A total of 28. That's fair. I thought Antonio's score last week was a bit high, especially compared to how everyone else scored. Leah says, "I'm not going to ask you how you feel but I'm just gonna say it. That sucked. The scoring, not you guys." I love her.

Commercials.

Sadie and Mark are doing the rumba. Sadie doesn't want to do the rumba. Sadie is concerned because she's not sexy, and wants the dance to be sweet.  Um...do you remember the Country Girl dance? She says she giggles when she feels awkward and we see footage of her giggling a lot. Mom and Grandma have approval over choreography and there are a couple moves they don't like. Mark is concerned because he wants to respect Sadie's beliefs and wishes but also knows he has to choreograph a rumba.

They are dancing to Rhianna. It's elegant and sweet. She is seriously talented.

Judges: Julianne says this was a beautiful story about falling in love without being raunchy. Bruno says she is a sparkling little jewel of a dancer. Pitbull says it was simple but powerful.  Carrie Ann gets to give feedback when they get scores.

Leah says it was cute and fantastic and Sadie says she's glad to get it over with and is ready to move on. Mark says his priority was Sadie and her feelings. He feels like he found the perfect balance.

Scores: Carrie Ann gets her feedback in! Sexy, gorgeous and age appropriate. 9! Pitbull 10, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 35. Sadie starts to cry. Awwwww. That made me tear up!

Witney got hurt in rehearsal. Oh no!!! And then, of course, commercials.

Lea and Artem are up next. Lea asks him "How was your lapdance?!?" HAHAHAHA! In rehearsal they are talking about having to compete with Alfonso. She's having trouble remembering the steps, he's getting frustrated. She thinks he's making the dance more intricate than it needs to be and he says great isn't good enough, they need amazing. But hey, no pressure.

Dance time. Umm....okay. There's nothing wrong with the dance. If they messed anything up, I didn't see it. But I wonder if someone gave her some E or something. Some of the Lea's solo moves seem slower than tempo, but that could  have been to make it simpler. They get to the judges table and she sticks out her tongue. Wow. She has a long tongue. I'm going to have nightmares now. She keeps fondling her hair. It's getting uncomfortable.

Judges: Bruno says it's a taste of la dolce vita of Miami Beach, but she needs to be careful of her shoulders. Carrie Ann says she's a little disappointed and that she felt Lea was trying too hard to compete with someone else and that she needs to play her game because she is fantastic. Yes, Carrie Ann!! Pitbull says he didn't know Jean Claude could dance that good. HAHAHAA! Julianne says she thought Lea was the girl to beat from day one. She needs to trust her partner and trust herself.

Up to Leah. Leah asks Lea if the pressure got to her and Lea says no. Lies! We see that she scratched up Artem's back. Okay, who gave her the drugs?!?! Tommy, we're all looking at you, man. She's got to be on something. Then Lea says Artem's one wish is to be in a Lea(h) sandwich, so she makes one. and they have to bleep out Leah. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAA! Then she tells Artem, 'ease up, ease up, I'm married to a Puerto Rican!' Please hire her, ABC. Please, please, please!

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Pitbull 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32.

Commercials.

We're back!Alfonso and Witney are safe! Bethany and Derek are safe! Michael and Emma are in jeopardy and they are dancing next.

Michael and Emma were upset with Michael's scores last week. We see him in his NASCAR element and Emma tags along for I'm guessing PR. We even get to see Dale Earnhardt Jr.

But now it's time to tango. They are tango-ing to a very slowed down version of Give Me Everything Tonight. It works really well. Tom tells Michael that was the most confident Michael had been on the dance floor.

Judges: Carrie Ann says this was a different approach and it worked. Pitbull said he did a great job. Julianne says they were all pretty tough on him last week. She says that they do that because he hides behind the comedy yet she can see how much he wants this. Tonight he was authentic and that's what works. Bruno says he had dedication, focus, and connection and it was a great improvement.

Hey! People! Log on to DWTS live because Lacey and Dominic are talking to Meryl and Amy from last season.

Up to Leah: Leah calls the dance amazing. Michael says he got so excited he tried to kiss Emma but he missed. Leah: well, you got farther than a lot of men! Leah asks Emma how she thinks they did. Emma says she's proud of him and he's a champion in her eyes. Aww!

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Pitbull 7, Julianne 8, and Bruno 7 for a total of 30. Those might be his best scores to date. Emma and Michael look really happy. Emma gets emotional and Leah tells her there's nothing wrong with it, that she's invested and Leah understands since she went through it herself. She kisses Michael on the cheek and he says, "I got to kiss you too!!" and Leah quips, "I'll kiss you right on the lips!" and she kisses him lip-side. Close enough, I guess. He looks pretty happy with it. Tom, "All Artem got was a Leah sandwich, Michael got a lip kiss!" Heh heh heh!

Commercials.

We're back! Last week, Derek told Bethany she was swag-a-licious. They have to go to Australia for Bethany's YouTube obligations. This, obviously, cuts in majorly to rehearsal time and at rehearsal, they have a lot of trouble getting through the dance entirely. They are doing the Argentine Tango. Her hold looks off or maybe just off balance. This is simpler choreography than I'm used to seeing from Derek, but it's probably better to have simpler steps that your partner can hit than complicated one she can't. This was not my favorite dance from them.

Judges: Pitbull says he likes the synchronization in the beginning and even with the slip up that no one saw, it was an amazing job. Julianne says this was pure tango and was well done. Is no one going to call her out her odd hold, then? Bruno says it was straight down the line pure ballroom. Carrie Ann says she thought she was watching Nicole Scherzinger

Up to Leah: Leah says they only got 7 hours of rehearsal time. If so, they did an amazing job with those 7 hours. Leah says that was amazing. Derek says something with an attempt at an accent to which Leah says, "Are you supposed to be speaking with an English accent? Was that supposed to be Australian?"  Derek replies, "Yeah, it was pretty bad" and pulls a face. Leah: "I give you a seven!" Derek, "Well, I gave myself a five" Leah: "Good! Because you don't know what it FEELS like to get a five or a seven DO YOU!?!?!! DO YOU!?!!!?!?!!?!?!?" and then playfully beats him about the head and torso and possibly crotch with her microphone.

ABC - HIRE HER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Pitbull 9, Julianne 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 36.

Next up are Alfonso and Witney. She looks okay even though she got hurt in dress rehearsal. I guess we'll find out when we come back.

Commercials.

We're back. Alfonso got injured too?!? Alfonso had fun with Cheryl. Witney and Micheal got all 5's and Witney got really upset. Alfonso goes to comfort her in the bathroom. The next day they talk it out. Witney seems like the sweetest young thing ever. I guess she felt a little upset with how well Cheryl and Alfonso did last week. But they gloss right over that and I guess everything is fine?!? Turns out Alfonso hurt his groin muscle doing the Carlton. That sucks because you are going to use that muscle a lot in any dance. We see him struggle in rehearsal. Nothing else about Witney and her injury so I guess she's fine. Way to drop the ball, ABC.

They are dancing salsa to the new big booty JLo song. You honestly can't tell which one of them is the pro and you can't tell either one of them was injured. After the dance, Alfonso is obviously in pain and says he felt his groin pull again.

Judges: Julianne she loved it, but would have loved to have seen more salsa. Bruno does his Bruno thing and says he could have danced all night. Carrie Ann spanks Alfonso and says it's a 10. Alfonso, "Now that's how you get spanked!"  Pitbull says he hit 'em with the Trinidad, hit 'em with something something something. He stands up so I guess he liked it. Alfonso is slow, really slow, going up the stairs. I bet he's really hurting.

Up to Leah: She says, "What happened, babe?" Alfonso: "When you get older and go full out, groins typically...have a problem." Leah: Let's...not...discuss....it. This is an ABC show. Alfonso points out that it's after 9 and Leah says but there are kids in the audience.  So when he says groin, does he mean he hurt his twig and/or berries? Because I can't understand why a groin muscle injury would be so taboo.

Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Pitbull 10, Julianne 9, Bruno 10 for a total of 39.  Alfonso: I feel really bad and I feel really good. Leah says that JLo was there tonight and she was proud of what they did. There's some back and forth about shaking booty with booty in the house but it's late and I'm tired from all the groin play.

Commercials. When we come back, it's elimination time.

In jeopardy, Janel and Val, Jonathan and Allison, and Michael and Emma. Michael and Emma are safe. The couple eliminated is... is..... is..... Jonathan and Allison. Awwwww, man! Jonathan seems okay with it. I'm going to miss his expressions and his Jyebrows. ::sadface::

See you next week, peeps!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Dancing with the Stars - Switch Up night

America, you voted and tonight we get to see your switch up dreams come true.

We open with Jessie J, who is performing RIGHT NOW and will also be a guest judge. It's not about the money, money, money evidently. It's about the show, publicity, and hair gel. Seriously. Her hair isn't moving at all. Bang, bang! She's burning up!

New partnerships: Alfonso and Cheryl (dang, girl! She's wearing about an six square inches of clothing and lots of netting and that's it.)
                              Antonio and Allison (oh sweet Lord what is he WEARING?)
                              Bethany and Mark
                              Janel and Artem
                              Jonathan and Peta
                              Lea and Val
                              Michael and Witney
                             Sadie and Derek (thank you for not doing the duck arms!!!!!)
                             Tommy and Emma

No one is crying or looks angry as they introduce the new pairings, so that's something.

Last week Alfonso was at the top and Jonathan was at the bottom. Jonathan actually looks happier than Alfonso.

We learn how difficult the switch up can be. (It's really hard, ya'll). Jealousy! Insecurity! Tension! The pros are feeling the pressure. I think Derek got his hair done. Or maybe it's not just all jelled up and slicked back.

Commercials!

We're back with the judges. Julianne's hair looks great tonight! Jessie J will be looking for a good entertainer. I had no idea she was British! The things you learn...

We see Allison and Antonio first. They surprise him with his new partner. Antonio looks psyched. There's lots of laughing. Allison could rival Julia Roberts' belly laugh this week. Cheryl calls and gives them her blessing. Antonio winks at the camera. I just threw up in my mouth a little. Allison doesn't look convinced. They are dancing Bollywood.

Oh, this is not going well. Antonio looks wooden and while he is smiling, he's about a half a beat behind. They finish with Antonio grabbing a strap and swinging around in the air. The camera cuts to Cheryl and Jonathan up in the sky box. Jonathan doesn't look happy now.  Roh-roh Shaggy!

Judges: Julianne loves his heart and passion and enthusiasm and fun but comments on the difference with the timing and movements as a pair. Bruno agrees with Julianne and says their rhythm and synchronization is off. Carrie Ann thinks they have a great partnership and Allison opened him up. Jessie J was impressed and liked the aerobatics.

Up to Erin; asks how the week went, they said it was a lot of fun.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Jessie J 6,  Julianne 7, Bruno 7.  28 total. Whoa! Jessie J is a badass.
Cheryl says she's proud and happy. I bet. Jonathan is in the back looking like he's having a conversation with someone and he's laughing. Wish I could hear that!

Sadie and Bethany interview each other about the most annoying thing about their partner because they are switching partners with each other this week. Sadie says Mark makes farting noises whenever she bends over (cue fart noise montage) and Bethany says Derek makes this weird gasping-like noise when he's trying to come up with a routine (cue gasping noise montage). Sounds boring, but it's pretty hilarious.

Commercials.

Welcome back! Why is Joey Fatone in the sky box?

Mark waits behind the studio door and scares the sh*t out of Bethany when she walks in the studio. Way to welcome your partner, doofus. They are doing hip hop. Bethany says she needs swag this week and doesn't know if she has it. Just a thought, but if you have to ask what it is, you might not have it. There's a bit where the producers try to make it seem like everyone is a little jealous, but...meh.

Dance time Sadie and Derek are part of the opening. Oh snap! Did Mark and Bethany just kiss?? Maybe there was some jealousy. Their dance seems more like jazz than hip hop, though. Bethany can groove! That was great!

Judges: Bruno says Mark and Bethany are good together and she is blossoming week to week. Carrie Ann says she has swag...for real! Then she says the transitions seemed sticky. Bethany looks crushed, Mark tries to take the blame for that. Jessie J says she thought Bethany would be shy and awkward but she was grooving with her and she thinks Bethany attacked it. Julianne shouts out that Bethany just showed Derek some attack. She says Bethany held her own and some other stuff I can't be bothered to recap because...just hush Julianne. We know you're a dancer.

Tom plugs DWTS live and then we go to Erin who asks Bethany to do her favorite move. Bethany's like 'which one?' Heh. Erin doesn't know so she's all...'you know, your FAVORITE one'. Double heh! But Bethany does a move, Erin tells her she has swag.

The camera cuts to the judges and I paused it to type, and I swear Julianne is looking down at Jessie J's boobs or crotch or something. Random!

Erin wipes (or pretends to wipe) lipstick off Mark's mouth and Derek's all, 'Whaaa? You guys actually touched lips?' Uh, yeah, Derek. Weren't you watching?

Scores! Carrie Ann 8, Jessie J 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32. Not bad, but I thought they'd be higher. They were way better than Antonio.

Oh, Joey Fatone is singing tonight. Tom calls it the Alumni Association. HAHAHAHAHAAH! I love him.

Commercials.

We are back and it looks like Bethany is interviewing Mark (I guess for the live broadcast that Tom keeps plugging???!!!) Mark is saying that he's bummed about the scores. He thinks Bethany did great!

Onto Jonathan. Jonathan is stressed about doing well. We see him driving and talking. He walks in the studio and Peta is waiting for him. He's happy about being partnered with Peta and says she's his second favorite dancer. Peta is pushing him really hard. A producer asks him who he likes better, Peta or Allison and Jonathan's like, "I'm not answering that! No way!!" Smart! Stop trying to cause trouble, show!!!

Jonathan and Peta are doing the jitterbug. His facial expressions are great, but I think he almost dropped Peta a couple of times. Wow! Joey Fatone was singing. Hi Joey! Jonathan and Peta look thrilled with their dance.

Carrie Ann says that so much of it was wrong. She could see the potential, but so much of it was just wrong. Jessie J says the dance made her feel uncomfortable. Cut to Allison, who looks upset.  Julianne says she was holding her breath and not in a good way. She could also see the potential. What? No Bruno?

Erin asks how the dance felt to him, and Jonathan says he had fun. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Jessie J 6, Julianne 6, Bruno 6. No elimination this week. Jonathan says he must be good at getting 6's.

Hey..Cheryl thinks it's important to have fun (cue the 'have fun' montage).

Commercials.

We're back with Tony and Sharna doing a paso double. Uh oh. Tom is going to show us Tony's audition tape. Oh. My. God! Bwaaahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa. YouTube that IMMEDIATELY if you haven't seen it.

Alfonso and Cheryl. Last week he got a perfect score! He walks into the studio with a gallon of water. Cheryl says she's done a professional routine for them. Alfonso looks scared. They are doing flamenco. Cheryl has a potty mouth. And a lot of energy.  A couple weeks ago, Len mentioned he wanted to see Alfonso do more ballroom. I hope Len is watching tonight. This is a totally different Alfonso, but no less amazing.

Judges: Jessie J says she was really drawn in and thought there was a real connection. She thought it was amazing. Julianne says this was the first partnership that she believed tonight. Bruno says "Alfonso and Cheryl starring in Lust in the Dust. But he needs to lift and separate more. And we skip Carrie Ann.

Up to Erin and Witney gives him a huge hug. He says Cheryl is full of energy and doesn't have a filter. He also wants to wish his wife a happy two year anniversary.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Jessie J 9, Julianne 9, and Bruno 8. Total of 34. WHAT!!!!! Whatever judges.

Commercials and for once I'm glad.

And we're back. Another plug for the ABC.com stuff.

Next up, Janel and Artem. They are doing burlesque. Artem blindfolds her and makes her feel him up to guess who she is partnered with. Um, okay. There's a bit about jealousy and Artem being half naked. The routine was intense.

Julianne says that was extremely sexy but it wasn't burlesque because burlesque is cheeky and their dance was raunchy and sexy. Bruno says 'never too sexy for me, honey!' Julianne and Bruno argue about it and Janel just looks confused. Carrie Ann says that she had the burlesque feel in the beginning but lost the humor of it when she and Artem started dancing together and added innuendo that I couldn't catch completely.  Jessie J says that song was written for her Mum and had never thought about a routine like that being done to that song.

Up to Erin - she thought the dance was hot and asks what Janel's thoughts were while getting the judges' feedback. Janel says she'd never done burlesque before and welcomes their feedback. Hey Janel, I'm sure Julianne will be happy to lend you a copy of 'Burlesque' since she was in it. Erin questions Janel on what she was thinking about when she did the move to sit on Artem's lap. Janel: 'Umm....puppies!" Heh.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Jessie J 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 9. A total of 33. Scores seem low tonight!

Michael and Witney dance when we come back after....

Commercials.

Jessie J performs again.  Peta and Val dance.

Michael and Witney meet and Micheal interviews. "Witney's like okay, wait a minute. I had Alfonso. We just got 10's. You're gonna give me him? That had to be a little bit of a shock for that little girl."  Then in rehearsal he tells her he's really flexible and demonstrates by putting each foot up to his forehead and telling Witney he'll do that if she can work it into disco. Witney:  "I mean, probably not..." She wants to get him better scores and it looks like they are working so hard.

Dance time! It's a cute routine, but Micheal just doesn't move across the floor well. It's almost...jerky or stompy or something.

Judges: Bruno laughs and says he knows what happened - that they put all the polish on the car bonnet and had nothing left for the routine. None of the movement was on time. Carrie Ann agrees with Michael that he got a couple steps on time and likes that he can make them laugh. She says it's week 5 and she doesn't want to laugh any more. Jessie J says it was consistent and that he accomplished it. Tom deadpans - basically you're saying that he did it. Julianne says that at week 5 it's getting a little uncomfortable and he needs to be moving forward.

Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Jessie J 5, Julianne 5, Bruno 5. A 25. Yikes! Witney says she's a little surprised at those scores and that he worked hard and they had a great week.

Commercials.

Tommy and Emma are working together. Tommy is apprehensive about being able to follow someone else's instructions. Emma interviews that with Tommy gets it, but has trouble remembering. She goes to ask Peta for advice and Peta says to just drill him.  Tommy says he's going to step up his game. He and Emma are dancing mambo. You can see her talking him through the routine. It's a great routine but doesn't seem like a mambo. Up in the sky box, people have donned reggae hats and dreadlocks. Awesome!

The judges are conferring so Tom asks Emma about Michael's scores. Emma says she was disappointed. She's pulling for Peta and Michael just as much as she's pulling for Tommy this week and those scores hurt.

Carrie Ann says that the song choice was hard to do the mambo to, and it seemed to lack a certain energy. Jessie J says he was really relaxed and flexible. The moves weren't amazing, but it was good. Julianne says that this was the first time she's seen him look tired. She points out that this is week five and they've seen all his moves already. Bruno says he hit a few bumps on the road but got to the end.

Up to Erin where she mentions that they don't pick their music and says, "Harsh criticism, how'd you take it?" Tommy: Well, I look tired because I'm old. HA!

Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Jessie J 6, Julianne 5, Bruno 6. Total of 23. Peta says the judges are so mean today. They totally are!

Commercials.

Next up, Derek and Sadie. They are going to do the Charleston.  Sadie says she was nervous about the switch up because she and Mark are such good friends. She's glad that she got paired with Derek because he's most like Mark. Duck Dad comes in to make sure nothing funny is going on and probably gave Derek the stink eye, but we just didn't see it.

They show Derek and Sadie looking at the social media hoopla from Mark and Bethany and try to start the whole jealousy thing again. Le sigh. Oh great, duck arms. Please stop.

Sadie is 90% legs. I'm totes jealous. This is an odd song to Charleston to, though. They better get better scores than 8's, because it was brilliant.

Jessie J says it was really clean and the lines were great. She said if she hadn't known, it would have taken her some time to figure out who was the pro. Julianne says Sadie shows a different side of who she is. She said it was super clean. Bruno says his usual Bruno-isms but that it was spot on and beautiful. Carrie Ann says she has to be careful because she rushes the music just a bit but it was brilliant.

Actors from Agents of Shield are in the audience. Good to know.

Erin says there is a huge difference in Sadie in rehearsal and Sadie live. Well, we don't see rehearsal Sadie, so let it go. Erin wants to know the difference between Mark and Derek. Sadie says they teach differently. Mark drags her through the whole dance and Derek makes it up as he goes. Derek raises his eyebrows at that.

Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Jessie J 9, Julianne 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 36. Derek calls the judges out on being harsh.

Last up are Lea and Val.  Also, Pitbull will be on the show next week so we're treated to his normal intro which involves the words/phrases Pitbull, Mr. Worldwide, 305. Thanks, Pit.

Commercials.

Lea and Val are doing a Broadway routine. It looks like Lea trips/almost falls through the studio door and flings herself at Val and tells him, "I'm no Janel." Val: Okay, okay, relax. Heh! More jealousy nonsense. Their routine is adorable. Lea has great legs and timing.

Julianne says this is the first time she saw Lea hesitate. The concept was great and she enjoyed it. Bruno says only Lea could put the cast of Cocoon on acid. Carrie Ann asks Val to explain the concept. He mutters something about swag. Carrie Ann says she actually loved it. Jessie J says Lea's acting and dancing was her favorite of the night.

Up to Erin. Blah, blah, blah. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Jessie J 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 9 for 34. Val gives a shout out to the troop and names them.

See you next week for regular couples, elimination and Pitbull.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Dancing with the Stars - Most Memorable Year

Get out your tissues, people. It's time to relive the stars most memorable year, and you know producers and editors have worked overtime this week to bring the emotion.

We open with the pros and troop dancing.  Whenever Sharna or Witney are dancing in group, they stand out with pure awesomeness.

DAYUMMMM Erin! She's wearing a killer cut out dress and looks amazing.

This week we skip the theatrical intro and go right to the presenting the couples. Huh. Wonder if the judges got tired of rehearsing an opening number or if the production crew did?

Tonight 'Murica can be a judge! You have to vote within the first 2 minutes of the dance and then the scores will be averaged and given as the fourth score. Hmm. Interesting.

We get right to it. The first couple safe is Janel and Val. Jonathan and Allison are also safe. Betsey and Tony are in jeopardy. Looks like Betsey was expecting that. Honestly, I wasn't. I think she deserves to be here for at least several more weeks.

We start off with Janel and Val and we pick up after their dance last week. Janel's most memorable year is 2002. She tells us about BJ, her vocal and acting coach. The year Janel moved to LA to pursue her dreams, she found out that BJ had breast cancer and she passed away before Janel could get back to say goodbye. Tears from Janel. (Me too) That's really sad. Val and Janel are doing the rumba in memory of BJ to a very poignant version of "How Will I Know". Janel has incredible lines when she dances, but I get distracted by her facial expressions. I don't know how she got through that without crying, oh wait, she is teary...

Judges: Julianne says BJ would be proud because she performs from the heart. She can tell Janel worked really hard on the feedback from last week. Bruno says she got the balance of emotion and motion absolutely right. She needs to work on her spins. Carrie Ann says the best way to pay tribute to someone who has passed on is to go on living a full and complete life, and Janel is doing that. Breathtaking. 'Murica is quiet because they are busy voting.

Up to Erin: Erin tells Janel she looks beautiful and that she's already told her that.  Janel says, 'You look hot.' Stop being so high maintenance Erin!

Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Julianne 9, Bruno 9, and 'Murica (voiced by Tom) 9, for a total of 36. Val says God Bless, America. I don't even think he meant it in the Southern way.

Commercials. Tommy went jail. Michael dealt with death. Sadie stuck by her Grandpa because they are family and that's what family does. Lea says the way he died (her dad) showed her what it was to live.  Hey Amercia? You are going to need more tissues, I think.

We're back! Jonathan and Allison are up. Jonathan says the support of his parents changed his life forever. He also says something about paying homage to all the Mean Girls fans out there. His mom is the one who introduced him to acting when he was younger. She was also the one that took him to NYC when he was 18 and dropped him off with some money. Hey, at least you got some money. NYC is expensive. He took his parents to the Mean Girls premiere, which was really sweet. Jonathan looks like his mom.  He lost his mom about a year ago and his dad four months ago. Aww, man! That's tough.

Dance time! We open with a take off on the Jingle Bell Rock number from Mean Girls and then we segue into a samba. I hope Allison isn't supposed to be LiLo because 1) she showed up 2) she was prepared and 3) she doesn't look like death warmed over. Jonathan can move but this is not his best dance. Although the crowd is going wild, so what do I know?

Judges: Bruno says the problem is that as soon as he went to do the samba proper he went wrong. Carrie Ann says judges are going to score on technique and America won't, so she's interested to see what happens. She tells him he had a one dimensional performance and she wants him to learn the different styles. Julianne says she loves the relationship Jonathan and Allison have and the dance lacked dimension and was erratic. She wants to see him do something elegant and refined.

And up they go to the sky box. We are reminded by Tom that there's a live chat. It's not enough to WATCH the show. We need to follow it live while Tweeting and Instagraming it. Erin wants to do her favorite part of the Mean Girls dance, which is apparently a leg slap and a hip bump. I'm really going to have to watch this movie again. I don't remember any of the parts they have talked about so far on this show. Erin finally gives Jonathan a chance to defend himself against the judges' comments, but he says he pretty much knows exactly what they are talking about and has been working on it.

Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Julianne 6, Bruno 6, and 'Murica 6. They should let the studio audience vote as a 'representative' of America. Everyone would get 10's. And now that I'm thinking about it, what about all the people in different time zones? They are getting shafted out of their votes. Hmmmm.....

Next up are Betsey and Tony and Bethany and Derek. Colbie Callait will also perform. First, we get to hear about the pro's most memorable year. Allison says her most memorable year was 2008, the year she had her daughter. Val says his most memorable year was 1994, when his parents moved their family to 'Murica so Val and Maks could pursue their dreams. HOLY CRAP! Look at Maks! That is definitely 1994 hair. Hooooo boy! Bet he's thrilled to see that picture plastered on national tv.

Commercials.

We're back with Betsey and Tony. Betsey's most memorable year was 1975, the year she had her daughter Lulu. Soon afterward, Betsey's marriage fell apart and she decided to open her own business. Since then, at the end of every fashion show she has brought Lulu out onto the runway with her. This song is her thank you to Lulu.  They are dancing to Love Will Keep Us Together. Lulu walks her mom down the 'runway' to start the dance. You can actually see the love between those two. The dance for tonight is the jive, and frankly, I don't see a whole lot of jive from Betsey. Lots of cuteness, theatrics, and a handstand, but not much jive.

Judges: Carrie Ann says that was phenomenal and she nailed every single step of that dance. Julianne says the way Betsey celebrates her daughter is the way America celebrates Betsey. And she got her knees high. Bruno thinks he saw her Victoria's Secret. But Bruno saw a part where she went wrong.

Up to Erin: blah blah blah. Next week, viewers want to see Betsey with Val. Betsey is totally okay with that. Janel, however, is not and they mock fight.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Julianne 7, Bruno 7, and 'Murica 7.  I think I need to go watch that dance again. I must have missed something.

Tony's most memorable year was 1998, the year he met his wife. They went on a blind date and four hours later he asked her to marry him. They've been married for 15 years.  That. Is. Adorable.

Commercials.

We're back. Four more couples find out their fate! Bethany and Derek are safe! Antonio and Cheryl are safe. Michael and Emma are in jeopardy. Lea and Artem are safe.

Bethany and Derek are up. Her most memorable year was 2009 when she started her YouTube channel. She started it because she was bullied. Apparently she was bullied by people she thought were her friends and a lot of it had to do her with personal appearance. Those videos gave her her voice back. People are awful and mean online. That took some guts. Colbie Callait is performing live for them. They are doing the rumba. Okay, this is a really hard dance to describe without going on and on so bear with me. The background of this dance is a wall of words, some awful some beautiful. The dance does a great job of representing Bethany's journey though those words. This is truly a Derek Hough production and I mean that in a very complimentary way. At the end all the words reappear. Derek steps off stage and Bethany clears the screen with a swipe of her hands then air writes words that appear on the background, "I love who I am". It's incredibly powerful with the dance that proceeded it and Colbie Callait's live performance.

Judges: Julianne is near tears before she even starts talking and says that what Bethany wishes she could have told herself years ago she just told so many girls tonight. Not just girls...but everyone who has ever felt the way Bethany felt. Then she tells Derek through tears that there wasn't enough rumba content. Derek says, "It's okay, Sis!" Bruno says that it's good to see her express her emotion but that her hip action needs some work. Carrie Ann says when you are totally true to yourself it comes through and that it was gorgeous.

Erin hugs her. Bethany looks really emotional. She says the dance was a challenge but it was most important to get her message out.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8, 'Murica 9.

Commercials.

Michael and Emma. Micheal's most memorable year was 2001, the year he won Daytona. That was also the race where Dale Earnhardt crashed and died on the last lap. Watching this interview with Michael is so different than how he appears on the show normally. This version we are seeing - this real, stripped down, all-jokes-aside version of Micheal Waltrip is powerful, and I am grateful that he showed this side. He and Emma are doing the quickstep this week to "Giving It Up For Your Love" which is a song he and Dale used to sing on the back of a boat (probably with a few beers involved). He says, "I plan on dancing it beautifully. But then I keep thinking if I mess up he might like that too. (laughs) He might like that better." Dance time! Bless his heart. He's giving it his all. You can see him either counting steps or just talking through the dance.

Judges: Bruno can see the dancer in him trying to get out. His frame was wrong and he went wrong so many times. Tom interrupts him to move on to Carrie Ann. Carrie Ann says she wants to cry because he started so strong and then he puttered out. Julianne says it's like yin and yang where there are moments that are so great then others that aren't. She calls him out on his frame (like the deodorant commercial where you're afraid to lift your arms) and he says something to the effect of 'can't you just flip me over a good paddle and I'll be better next week?' Julianne calls on the audience a/k/a 'Murica, a/k/a Tom and says to give him a good score. Pretty sure that's not how this works. Hey! Bill Engvall is in the audience!

Erin says she's not a judge, but she's his coworker and knows how much Dale meant to him. He talks a bit and says he was having a ball until that first mess up. ::sadface:: The camera cuts to Bill Engvall again and it looks like he's crying. That makes me even more sad.

Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Julianne 6, Bruno 6, 'Murica 7.

Next up are Lea and Artem. What?!?! No commercial. Lea talks about her dad and says that he was diagnosed with cancer in 2003. They only had about a week. So they celebrated all the holidays in a week. On the last day when they were celebrating Christmas, he got out of his chair and danced with her and she says, "For me in my life, the way he died....taught me how to live." Annnnddd I'm crying. I'm never going to make it through their dance.

They are doing a contemporary dance. Oh sweet lord, even the lyrics are killing me. It's a beautiful dance, probably the best I've seen in a few seasons. It's so full of emotion... I can't even....I have no idea how she made it through that dance.  She goes over to Tom and he gives her a big hug and we hear her gasping trying to control her emotions. ::tissues::

Carrie Ann says she'll remember this dance forever. Julianne says that it moved her and probably everyone else (everyone else in the building applauds in agreement) and she says that it was flawless. Bruno calls her an exquisite performer.  Take THAT, Barishnikov! We'll find out scores when we come back. Damn commercials.

Welcome back. Up with Erin, and she calls Artem out for being emotional. Erin..girl..knock it off. Scores! Carrie Ann 10, Julianne 10, Bruno 10, 'Murcia 9. Whaaaaa? Erin: EWWWWWW! For once I am totally with her!

Antonio and Cheryl are up next. They are doing a samba to a Janet Jackson song. Oh that's right! He was in the video for "Love Will Never Do". I loved that video!  We get to meet his mom. He says he's dancing for her. Oh, they are actually dancing to Love Will Never Do.  It's kind of meh. Although - it's better than he's done in several weeks.

Judges: Julianne says he's getting more comfortable with the steps but he needs to make bigger moves to fill the space around him. Bruno says he thought we were watching a preview of Magic Mike 2 1/2  - Dancing with the Stud. Dude, no. Just no! Channing Tatum can actually dance. No offense Antonio.  Carrie Ann says the opening was hot and that he's proving himself to be the heartthrob of the season.

Up to Erin: they pretty much talk about Antonio being shirtless.

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7, 'Murica 8.

Sigh. Commercials.

We're back. Time for more results! Alfonso and Witney are safe. Sadie and Mark are safe. Tommy and Peta are in jeopardy and are dancing next.

Tommy and Peta are hanging out in some kind of studio and Peta is not having a good hair day. Like, at ALL. She asks him where he got into the tango and he tells her it's while he was in prison. Please, for the love of the censors, don't go into detail Tommy! Apparently he got stopped and was subsequently busted for transporting drug paraphernalia. Sounds like he was given the choice to take the rap or they'd go after his son, so he did the time. That's love. I don't think either of my parents would go to jail for me. He says he learned how to live each moment one moment at a time and it was a turning point in his life. So the jive they are doing is a celebration of his freedom. They are dancing to Jailhouse Rock. This is not their best routine. I think maybe he's sober and that's the problem. Gotta give it to him - he can move for an older guy.

Judges: Bruno says there's no chain in the world that can bind his free spirit. Carrie Ann says that his naturalness saves him every time. Julianne says there's no denying she's obsessed with him and that he loves to dance and that he's enjoyable to watch. I agree with all of those statements. She also thinks that wasn't his best dance. Julianne, don't make me like you. I can't be all snarky when I agree with you all the time.

Up to Erin: she says to bring the handcuffs and keys over. Heh. Tommy says he has lots of fun. And we start the prison jokes. You just had to go there, didn't you, Erin?

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7, and 'Murica 7.  More prison jokes.  ::NEXT::

Sadie and Mark are up next and then Witney and Alfonso.

Commercials.

Last week Mark was upset about the scores. Sadie cheers him up by quoting Mark's words of encouragement to her back to Mark. Well played, Sadie! Sadie's most memorable year was 2012 when Duck Dynasty started. She says at first she thought it was really cool but it's hard to be in the public eye and references her grandpa's 'situation' where he was outspoken about religion and the press came after him. She defends him, but does it in a way that makes me wonder how much Phil's opinions were truly supported by his family. I mean, did they agree with him and think he should have just kept his opinion to himself or do they agree to disagree? Mark and Sadie are doing the samba and you see them rehearsing and he says 'angry duck, angry duck...feathers all ruffled.' For the love of Grilled Cheesus, can we let the duck flapping thing go?!?!? EVERY week it's worked into the show. We get it. I swear!  Dance time. Nope. the whole famn damily is involved in this dance. Mark is dressed up like a Robertson and Sadie is dressed like a rebel child of Swan Lake. Credit where credit is due, that girl has a ton of natural dance talent.

Judges: HAHAHAAHA! The people in the sky box all donned fake beards too. Carrie Ann says it's her favorite samba of the night. Julianne says it's the perfect combo of content and concept. Bruno gets dramatic and does the usual Bruno thing. I'm guessing that means he likes it.

Up to Erin: more duck calls. She asks Sadie what it was like and she says it was fun. Mark says the beard is itchy.

Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Julianne 10, Bruno 9, 'Murica 9. Mark is much happier with these scores.

Next up: Alphonso and Witney and then...dun, dun, DUN... elimination!

Commercials

We are back with Alfonso saying that he has had many memorable years. But we are going to focus on the six memorable years he spent playing Carlton on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. (No Will Smith in the audience again...tsk tsk). Alfonso says he loved that role but that it pigeon-holed him as an actor. You know, Alfonso should take his pigeon-hole issue to the Duck Dynasty clan and see if they can help him out. Get it?!??! Alfonso, own your Carlton, man! This week he wants to please the fans and give America what he feels they have been asking for since the beginning of this show - the Carlton. The dance is labeled as jazz. He and Witney are amazing. And I mean AMAZING.

Judges: Julianne says she's glad he made us wait for the Carlton but that people are going to remember Alfonso. Bruno goes on and on and I'm still not sure what he said. Carrie Ann says 'finally!'.

Up to Erin and she tells everyone to do the Carlton. Alfonso says he did this for the fans and that he went back in time. Witney says it was challenging to learn the Carlton and that it has a technique all it's own. Erin wants to know what that is and Alfonso tells her you have to lead with your hands and the key is to come over the top when swinging your arms around.  Michael Waltrip is trying it in the background and it's just not working. Alfonso says that the best non-Carlton-Carlton he's ever seen is Witney's. Awwwwwwww! But also, he's absolutely right!

Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Julianne 10, Bruno 10, 'Murica 10. Erin asks how it feels and Alfonso says it feels so good!

Yet more commercials and then we eliminate someone.

Enough fun, everyone. We are going to ruin someone's dreams. Tommy and Peta are safe, so it's down to Betsey and Tony and Michael and Emma. And......

and....
and....
Betsey and Tony are eliminated. Lots of people boo. Betsey is gracious and adorable and even Erin looks emotional.

We recap dances and are reminded to vote. See you next week, when partners are all switched up 'Murica!


Thursday, October 2, 2014

Dancing with the Stars Recap - It's Movie Night!

It's MOVIE NIGHT on DWTS!

Last week? Tavis and Sharna got sent home. There is a tacky 'Boogie Night' reference that includes a 'straight to video' stamp, and while it's funny, it seems...harsh. Guess that's the way the mirror ball turns.

Anyway, here's our star/movie line up for tonight.

Lea - Back to the Future, because of course.
Jonathan - The Great Gatsby. I'm interested to see what they do with that.
Antonio - Guardians of the Galaxy. Really? REALLY?
Randy - Rocky - wait, I thought Alfonso was going to do Rocky because of last week? No? Okay.
Bethany - Singing in the Rain. She just rolled her eyes. Don't disrespect Gene Kelly, young one.
Betsey - Ghost. At least that matches up with last week's promo!
Janel - West Side Story. She fake trips at the end. Umm, okay. I'm starting to think maybe I should have a margarita as I watch this because I am not amused.
Alfonso - Austin Powers. Heh. This just got good! I'd much rather see him as Austin Powers than Rocky. Now, Randy as Rocky? Yeaaaaah baby!
Sadie - Up. Mark just popped her balloon. I hope that's all he's gonna pop!
Michael - Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. I thought for sure it would be car themed...like maybe Gone in 60 Seconds or that Tom Cruise NASCAR movie...whassit called? Days of Thunder.
Tommy - Scent of a Woman. He sniffs Peta's armpit in the promo. LOL! Also, gross!

Wow. Each week seems to have a new opening. That's ambitious. I like it though! There are some amazing dancers on this show. The couples are all eating popcorn like they're in a movie theater. Opening number. Witney is adorable and pretty on target as Marilyn Monroe. Kevin Hart is the guest judges. They are going to make him dance too. Wow, he is a shorty. Or maybe Erin and Tom and the rest of the cast are really tall.

Oh. We are back to one night a week so someone gets booted tonight. Man! I wasn't expecting that. Randy and Karina are in jeopardy. And they are dancing first. He makes a weird grimace face. Awwww. Short recap of last week. We see rehearsals for this weeks dance...maybe a tango or a Paso Double?! Karina tells him he's too weak. Girl! He could break you in two like a twig. Yep, they are doing the Paso Double. You know, Randy can really dance. he just needs to get out of his head. This dance was kinda meh. Too much stomping and not enough dancing. Sometimes it seems Karina choreographs more to show herself off and less to show off the partnership. That happened last season too.

Judges: Julianne: she feels like he is lacking the first week charm and strength and is relying on Karina too much. She gets booed. Bruno: Randy scares him but agrees that the timing was behind. The Paso is all in the shapes not just punching. YES! That was what was missing. Carrie Ann: Thanks him for taking her notes from last week. Now she wants him to bring back some of the finesse. Kevin: Kevin is scared of him and loves that he embraced the dance. He thought it was a hell of a performance.

Up to Erin: Karina sticks our her tongue. Stop it Karina, you are no Miley. Karina thinks they did better this week. Says something about stripping. Hush Karina. This is a family show.
Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Kevin 7, Julianne 6, Bruno 6. Total of  26

Commercials. Can I just say how much I despise that Matthew Mcconaughey Lincoln commercial?!?!?!

We're back! The judges are talking amongst themselves and chair dancing.

Alfonso and Witney are safe!  Betsey and Tony are safe! Group hug!

We are doing Austin Powers Goldmember. But not that groovy kind of Austin Powers dance, oh no! They are doing the quickstep. It's mentioned that Len wants to see him do a ballroom dance but the quickstep still seems right up his ally.  We see Witney talking about how Alfonso likes to move his shoulders and how you can't do that in the quickstep and then when he gets tired, he starts to drop his frame. She is interviewing without make up and she looks totally beautiful but about 12 years old. They are dancing around the studio, practicing, and they break apart and she says, "I'm literally carrying your fat ass that whole time." Damn, girl!  He interviews that he came here to learn ballroom but that the quickstep is a lot harder than he thought.

Showtime! There's a mini me!!! The footwork is amazing, but the song seems too slow to be a quickstep. Maybe they did that on purpose. I wonder if the mini me is any relation to Alfonso?

Judges: Bruno: he has a swinging sixties style. He still has his own style but needs to be more ballroom. Bruno says to use the diaphragm more. Carrie Ann says she is so impressed with him. There was no hip hop bounce in the dance and he held his frame. Kevin: He cracks about Alfonso being put in a velvet suit and then says I'm going to use my diaphragm by saying you murdered that! HAHAHA! Julianne: Blah blah blah she's up out of her chair. Yes, yes, we see you.

Up to Erin: the mini me is up there with them and Erin asks him what scores he would give to Alfonso and Witney. Mini-me: 10's across the board!

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Kevin 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32. Alfonso is doing something weird. Like he's trying to channel Carlton, Will Smith, and Kevin Hart rolled into one. Just be you, Alfonso. Just be you.

Commercials.

We're back! Kevin is in another dance number with the dude who was the voice of Olaf in Frozen.

Betsey and Tony! We see a clip of last week and she refers to it as a miracle. This week they are doing a contemporary dance. Tony is lifting her a lot and she shows up with a go pro camera. HAHAHHAAA! She's worried and says she needs a drink. Me too, girl.

They do a really neat interpretation of Ghost, frankly. It's slow, graceful, and elegant with a lot of lifts. Near the end, Tony lies on the floor, lifts Betsey up over his body, and she does a back walkover into the splits. Tony walks into the light. Beautiful, just beautiful.

Cut to the sky box and the cast is clapping and cheering but then it cuts to Derek and Bethany and it looks like they are off to themselves. He's clapping and she's just standing there with a "Mckayla is not amused' expression. Get over yourself, Bethany.

Judges: Carrie Ann says it's confusing to watch her because at times she looks like one of the pro dancers. She means that in a good way. Betsey just needs to point her toes a little more. Kevin says he thought she was a 21 year old and has the hots for her. He told her she dropped it like it's hot. Heh! Julianne agrees with Kevin and Carrie Ann. Bruno says no one can bend it like Betsey, but says she needs to point her feet a little more.

We can vote now to switch up stars and their pros. The switch show will be in two weeks so VOTE! VOTE VOTE!!!!

Up to Erin: Last week Betsey never felt prettier and this week she dropped it like it's hot, how does she feel now? Beautiful but she says it in a really spooky voice. Maybe she had that drink....

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Kevin 9, Julianne 6, Bruno 7 for a total of 29.

Commercials

Michael and Emma are safe! Sadie and Mark are safe! Antonio and Cheryl are in jeopardy. Lea and Artem are safe! They are also dancing next.

Lea and Artem are going to Cha Cha to The Power of Love. They are going to recreate the prom. Artem puts on Lea's shoes for her in rehearsal. Nice. They are working really hard and he's worried they don't have enough time. Then they do this whole Back to the Future skit with the Delorean.  Lea has fantastic legs. The dance goes by really fast.

Judges: Kevin loves that she's smiling through the whole routine. They were good, good, good. Julianne says she's so bummed because of the hand slip. Lea is so versatile. Bruno thinks she is versatile, she had great legs, had a little slip but covered it well. Carrie Ann thought this wasn't her best dance and that Lea looked like she was on the verge of losing it. Lea's head was too far forward and her shoulders were tense. Carrie Ann gets booed. Well, someone had to take over for Len this week.

Commercials.

Erin: blah blah blah

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Kevin 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 31.

Next up are Michael and Emma. Recap of last week.  Micheal was bummed. In rehearsals Emma seems stressy about putting enough waltz in the dance. Michael interviews and puts a lot of racing terms in an analogy. The waltz is beautiful and really sweet. When they get to the judges table, Julianne calls him over, grabs his hands, and says that was his best dance ever. You know, Michael was in a horrific crash at Bristol in 1990 and I wonder (and I don't mean this in a mean or disrespectful way) if he really hurt his head because he seems a little off at times, but he's quick witted and really funny, so I don't know. But that crash looked awful. I can't believe he walked away. Michael then says all the smoke at the beginning confused him. With all the lights and the pressure and the live audience, that's totally understandable. He seems genuinely sweet and eager to please, and how can you not have a soft spot for that kind of guy?

Judges: Julianne says it was his best dance ever, it was so technical and the heel leads, lines and extensions were great. Bruno says he worked really hard and it shows. Carrie Ann says she was mesmerized, and that's what entertainment is. He has a lot to work on, but he did a great job. Kevin says he could see the hard work and it was a good job.

Next Monday stars reflect on their most memorable year. Just in case you were wondering.

Up to Erin: lots of hugs and high fives from the cast (but probably not from Bethany). Erin calls him out last week on getting emotional. Look, Erin, this isn't a Barbra Walters special. No need to make him cry, okay!?!?! Michael says this is very important to him and he skipped football with friends to go to dance rehearsal. And, he's keeping the hat!

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Kevin 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 28.

Commercials.

We're back and the hair and make up people are at the judges table. How much maintenance do those people need? They're just sitting there for heaven's sake!

Up next Antonio and Cheryl. Last week Len told them not to over analyze it. I think that's code for stop talking about how much you are worrying and rehearse more, Antonio. This week's dance is the fox trot. They took a different approach to training. They are going to have a good time. Good to know! Cheryl doesn't know what a Walkman is. OH MY GOD. ::facepalm:: I don't think she's seen Guardians of the Galaxy, either, because she would definitely know. Antonio gets upset because she puts a hat on him. Weird. Well, he probably paid a lot for that hair. The promo shows them 'having a good time' but it falls flat. It doesn't look anything like a good time, frankly. They are dancing to 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough". Other than the Walkman in rehearsals and the song choice, I don't get the Guardians of the Galaxy connection. Something tells me Antonio may not be the  most fun to work with of all the stars this year. I think Tommy gets that badge.

Judges: Bruno says something about the fun factor and tells Antonio that when he changes direction he doesn't need to use the whole body. Then Bruno uses Julianne to demonstrate. Oy. Carrie Ann says he's looking good out there. She says dancing doesn't come easily to him and says, "You are stiff in places that are a bit strange." Someone at the judges table starts to cackle and it takes her a second to put it together. Oh dear. She tells him to breathe and relax. Kevin says BOO!!!!!! He says Antonio is killing the tux and that since he can't foxtrot, he's not going to tell Antonio how to foxtrot, but that he can tell he practiced and executed the dance. He did good. Julianne gets skipped.

Up to Erin: Erin wouldn't know a foxtrot if it hit her in the face. I wonder what Maks would say about that? So it looked like he was having a good time, was he? Sure. Antonio complements Cheryl on being the best partner and it's score time.

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Kevin 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 8 for a total of 29.

Up next Sadie and Mark. Their routine took some criticism last week and they were in jeopardy. Apparently that really upset her. Well, jeez. She's 17 and not a dancer, model, or actress. What did you expect? The producers make sure we know that her dad was okay with the routine via Sadie. Glad we straightened that all out. Onto this week. Sadie says ballroom is hard. Mark makes her dance with balloons tied to her arms. ::Snort:: Showtime! They are graceful together and really sweet, but then the movie UP was really sweet. At the end, she floats up on balloons. Great routine!

Judges: Carrie Ann says so far that was her favorite dance tonight. Kevin says it was seamless and flawless. Julianne says Mark did a great job on choreo, Sadie needs to work on her arms. Bruno is totally and utterly charmed.

Up to Erin: Sadie thought the waltz was boring until she got the hang of it. Translation: She thinks it's boring but was told not to.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Kevin 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32.

Commercials.

We're back! Janel and Val are safe! Bethany and Derek are safe. Tommy and Peta are safe! She seems surprised. Jonathan and Alison are in jeopardy and are dancing next. Jonathan; Oh GOOD! heh!

Jonathan and Allison are doing a tango this week. Last week, they took a beating from the judges. We see Allison talking to Mark and he cheers her up. Jonathan points out that Allison was brought to the show to bring her own 'Ally-ness' to it and he doesn't want her to lose it. I agree! Its tango time. WOW. The visual lines on this are incredible. Excellent footwork and the execution is flawless.

Judges: Kevin says what he loves the most is that the song wasn't a traditional song and they owned it. Good job! Julianne says she was going to say the same thing about the song not being a traditional tango song. She thinks they did a great job. Jonathan needs to work on his frame. Jonathan: Oooooo! My elbows! I hate them! heh! Bruno says that was a hard track to crack but they got it! Jonathan, "We tangoed...in a TANGO!!!!" I love him this week! Carrie Ann says to Allison they are not here to stifle anyone, they are here to encourage her to be the best she can be and look what happened this week, she was! Way to pat yourself on the back, Carrie Ann. ::eye roll::

Commercials. Again.

Back with Erin, Jonathan, and Allison. Erin asks Allison about last week and the difficulty of the feedback. Allison says it was hard but she worked through it and wanted to be the best for Jonathan.

Scores! Carrie Ann 8, Kevin 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8. A total of 32. Jonathan and Allison are really excited, he starts talking about his elbows again and Erin cuts him off. Bitch. J/K! It's only a 2 hour show.

Janel and Val are doing West Side Story. We see them rehearsing and then on Thursday at 10 am there's a problem with the number. Val says production says they haven't approved anything and want Val to change the song and the number. Seems like you'd get approval before you started rehearsing. We hear Val on a phone call and he's given the okay to use the music, but nothing from the movie. I take that to mean choreography. Cut to Janel in the studio looking a little stunned and confused an she's picking at her nails. Stop that, Janel! Val says they can't use any of the moves from the movie which is difficult when you're paying homage to such a brilliant movie. True dat! Val says "...the challenge now is to do West Side Story without making it look like West Side Story." He's got this 'what the hell' smile on his face. I bet the producers are glad that they didn't have to tell Maks that. They'd be removing his shoe from...well...special places, I bet.

Dance time! It actually looks like a Broadway musical. Janel's facial expressions are working for her tonight. It was a great number! Really, really well done!

Judges: Julianne (Girrrrrrrl. We SEE you. Sit down!) feels like she was watching a Broadway show and they are incredible. Janel just opened many doors to her career. Perfecto! Bruno says this was her star making turn. Bravo! Carrie Ann says she turned that beeeep out. (She actually said beep) There's another innuendo session, I'm skipping it. Kevin says he's going to bow down to that performance. Scores after the break.

More commercials. Sigh.

Back with Erin, Janel, and Val. Janel kissed Kevin. Well, good for you! Val says Janel is amazing and that it was an incredible honor and blessing to be mentioned in the same sentence as West Side Story and he's glad it all worked out.

Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Kevin 10, Julianne 10, Bruno 10. A perfect score! Janel does the Miss America cry. Erin: Tell me what you're feeling! Janel: That's amazing! I'm happy! Erin: Not to mention your legs looked incredible tonight so you're welcome.  Shut up Erin. Let her have her moment.

Tommy and Peta are up! The star tried to teach his pro the Argentine Tango. We see last week's recap. Peta asks Tommy why he chose The Scent of a Woman. Tommy says for the tango! Tango according to Tommy: Rule 1 is engage your partner. In rehearsal he leans over and sniffs Peta and quips, 'Smells like Maks". HAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA. OMG. Hysterical!!!!!!!!! According to gossip sites, Peta still has a huge thing for Maks who is, shall we put it nicely, only interested in one thing from her.  Annnnnyway. We see Tommy taking charge and teaching Peta how to tango. Peta is good naturedly putting up with it. Maybe because she smells like Maks?!?
Rule 2 is support your partner. By that he means grope her. Rule 3 is the man must always be in control. Cut to Peta and Tommy resting and she's brushing her hair as he says "Piece of cake, girl!" Peta: It is not a piece of cake.
Tommy: Piece of cake.
Peta: You say that, then tomorrow you will forget all your steps.
Tommy: Yeah, but that's tomorrow. Right now I know everything. Tomorrow I won't know *beeeep*

LOLZ!

It's tango time! He is all up on her so close that she bumps his chin with her shoulder. If it were anyone else, it would be creepy but it works for them. This is one hot tango. I love these two. Tommy looks a bit amazed when it's over.

Judges: Bruno says the tango is a story and that story could not have been better told. Carrie Ann compared Tommy to Yoda (in a good way) and calls him the real deal. Kevin says some people fold under pressure but not him. He killed it. Julianne says that Peta is a fierce woman and that anyone who can lead that woman is excellent. He was flawless.

Commercials.

Back with Erin, Tommy, and Peta. Apparently dress rehearsal didn't go well. Peta says that was the first time he'd actually gotten through the whole dance. Tommy gives credit to the audience and fans for that.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Kevin 10, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 34. Erin says you got a 10 tonight, how does that smell? Tommy: I think I owe Kevin something. HEH! Love him!

Last up with a jazz routine are Bethany and Derek. Derek is apparently a huge Gene Kelly fan and calls Singing in the Rain one of the most iconic performances of our generation. During rehearsal, Bethany drops her umbrella.
Derek says, "That can never, ever happen."
Bethany: I know.
Derek: (continuing) "We have to do 10 out of 10."
Bethany interviews that Gene Kelly is one of Derek's biggest heroes and that he's putting a lot of pressure on himself, and therefore her. Why does she seem so snotty this week? UGH.

Derek says what he's lacking from her in general is...attack. Translation: start taking this seriously. Bethany looks bored. He gets frustrated during an umbrella rehearsal and says he needs to take a break. Bethany interviews very non-nonchalantly that Derek is getting frustrated with her. Yeah, well, me too and I'm not even working with you.

Then they meet Patricia Kelly. She gives Bethany a poem that Gene wrote and gives Derek a framed still of the Singing in the Rain dance. Patricia says she can see a little bit of Gene in Derek and then Derek interviews that it needs to be perfect..then corrects himself and says that's putting too much pressure on the dance.  If you've watched the show much, then you know how much this must mean to him, because Derek is usually really laid back and pretty zen. I think the fact that Bethany has come off so far as 'whatever' is probably why he seems so frazzled.

Dance time. The choreography is sharp and they've made it rain on set.   That's tricky! It's a flawless performance and afterwards, Derek picks up Bethany and stands under the water. Hello, payback!

Judges: Carrie Ann says mission, impossible. Mission, complete. Kevin says it's amazing to pay homage to someone you admire and that he brought justice to it. Julianne says she knows the wrath of Derek and that Bethany didn't miss a step. Bruno gets cut off. Haven't you people learned that Bruno won't be ignored??!?!?!!?

Up to Erin who says that Bethany looked amazing and how much this meant to Derek. Derek is babbling. The producers show a video of when Derek was little dancing to Singing in the Rain.

Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Kevin 10, Julianne 10, Bruno who shouts Gene Kelly is smiling on you, kid! 10. Perfect score!!!! I think Derek, not Bethany should get the credit for this.

Commercials and then someone gets the boot.

Elimination time. Antonio and Cheryl are safe. Hmm. I really thought they would be going home. So it's down to Jonathan and Allison and Randy and Karina. Jonathan looks really worried. Randy and Karina are eliminated. They don't look all that surprised. Jonathan looks stunned, surprised and relieved. Erin says "We're all shocked". Apparently Carrie Ann reacted strongly because they start to ask her about it but Kevin steals her spotlight and says, "It wasn't me!!!" Awww. This is the first season that eliminations have been hard from the beginning. Well, for me to watch anyway. Catch Randy and Karina on GMA Tuesday morning and we'll be back next week!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Dancing With The Stars: It's My Jam! Elimination Night

Last night on DWTS: there was dancing and judging. Tonight there's fifty minutes of filler and commercials and someone loses their chance at the Mirror Ball Trophy. It's capitalized because it's THAT important.

We start off with a super short pro dance. I love Sharna. That is all. Tonight we do something different with the encore dance. We get a choice between TWO - Lea and Artem or Janel and Val. VOTE AMERICA! VOTE VOTE VOTE.

Meanwhile, let's recap our first three couples. Randy and Karina. I guess they didn't do as well as they expected.  Next are Betsey and Tony. There was a wardrobe malfunction, it just happened before the live dance. Tony saved the day and was super excited with their performance. Lea and Artem just nailed their dance.

I like Erin's hair up like that! Lea and Artem are safe, Randy and Karina are safe, Betsey and Tony are safe! Tony is super excited. Betsey totally thought they were in jeopardy.

Next, Nico and Vinz sing their hit. Julianne will perform with the pros. In the promo video clip someone drops her and you hear her head thunk on the floor. Ouch! That's not going to increase your scores, pal.

Commercials

Cheryl and Artem bring us back. Seriously, Cheryl is really thin this season. Nico and Vinz perform and Peta, Karina, and Val perform. I wonder how long the dancers spend rehearsing their choreo each week? I think it's ironic that Peta and Karina are dancing with Val for this number since they both used to date Maks. Is it weird for them, I wonder?

Now we get the A to Z of DWTS. That was cute, but I'm not recapping it.

Erin is talking to Michael, Jonathan, and Tommy. Micheal says he came to Hollywood to figure out who he is. Erin asks him if he's figured it out and he says that he can drive in the HOV lane because he has so many people in his head. Oh-kay. Onto Tommy. Erin says he has salsa experience and asks him to show a move or two. He rips open his shirt. HAHAHAHA! Erin quips 'is it cold in here like it was last night?' She peeks in his shirt and continues with 'it is, it's a little chilly'. Maybe Tommy can commandeer a pastie from Karina's outfit last night. Tommy responds with "Wanna touch my boob?" Erin nervously giggles and moves onto Jonathan. Tommy is smirking. You go, Tommy! We saw a sexier side to Jonathan last night who says one day he hopes to be as sexy as Tommy. Heh. I like Jonathan!

Now we recap their dances. Oh HO! Tommy wasn't supposed to rip his shirt open. Jonathan has a problem keeping his shoes tied. Michael is trying so hard. I love that Emma told him to just be who he is.

Tommy and Peta are safe. Michael and Emma are in jeopardy. Jonathan and Allison are safe!

Next we find our our encore dance. Well, after this commercial break.

Back to the show. Janel and Val get the encore dance. I think they are better tonight than last night.

Bethany gets her ankle wrapped before the performance and afterwards Derek tells her how nervous he was. He's also giving her a piggy back ride down the hall and she says she's glad he didn't tell her that because she probably would have fallen off. Cut to Janel and someone asks her if she's nervous. Nope. Last week she was but not this week. Val says his cheeks are too fat for the mask. Psssh. Stop talking to your brother, Val. You're fine. Afterwards Val tells her that the hard work pays off. Janel knows, she knows. Then we see Mark checking his teeth in the mirror. Umm, okay. Mark! Dental. Floss. Methinks this reality show just came down with a serious case of the 'scripted's. Sadie tells him she's nervous because everyone is so good. She sure didn't show it out there on the floor. Also, I hope Mark washed his hands after picking his teeth before touching her. I bet her dad has a strict no bodily fluids policy, no matter the bodily fluid. Sadie is really disappointed in their scores and they throw the word 'duck' in as much as possible. Betcha by the end of this show, he'll be calling her Duckie instead of Dude. Then Mark says Len doesn't know country or jazz. Whaaaa?!?!?!! Buuurrrrrrnnnnn.

Janel and Val are safe! Bethany and Derek are safe! Sadie and Mark are in jeopardy. That surprises me. Tom adds, 'But on the plus side, his teeth look incredible.' I love Tom.

More commercials.

Sia sings Chandelier. Alison and Maddie from Dance Mom's perform. Sia wants us to focus on the dancing so she won't face the audience. Le sigh. Smells like a publicity stunt. Or like a Sia absence.

That dance number is phenomenal.

Erin is with Lea, Betsey, and Sadie. Where is Artem? No one knows! Lea is glad to not be in jeopardy.  Betsey says she went from a punker to a prima donna. Betsey was so excited last night, she's speechless trying to talk about it tonight. Since she's out of quote-ables, onto Sadie who says she understands that this is a competition and a game and that last night was rough.

Len is going to be absent next week and Kevin Hart will be the guest judge. I wondered how that would work with adding Julianne as a judge this year.  Next week it's movie night and we preview coming attractions. Clever, DWTS.  Betsey and Tony do Spirit Fingers which is a take on Ghost. Alfonso and Witney do Stocky, a take off of Rocky.  Lea and Artem do Back to the Cha Cha.

Now we get to decide on the Pro audition tape to view. VOTE VOTE VOTE America!!!!!!!

Commercials.

We get to see the audition tape of Mark Ballas. Awww, cute!!!!

Now it's time for Julianne to perform. Because we don't see any of that at the judges table. ::eye roll:: But seriously, the girl can dance. And, there go half her clothes.

Alfonso and Witney. He's telling Lea that he lost connection and stumbled once and she rolls her eyes. ::snort:: Cut to Alfonso and Witney talking after they dance and he's trying to convince himself he's honestly happy. I don't believe him. Then we see Cheryl and Antonio speaking in Spanish. And by speaking in Spanish, I mean saying the words 'momento' and 'rumba'. They are genuinely happy with their 8's. Take note, Alfonso. 8 is good! Tavis and Sharna. Sharna tells him they will have to work harder next week and then you see Tavis standing by himself obviously unhappy with the scores. Then we see him tell someone they got all 7's and with the short amount of time they practiced that 7's were okay. The only thing is that if the viewers think your real life is more important than your DWTS commitment, you may very well be gone. Last season Charlie and Meryl were doing Stars on Ice while DWTS was filming and you knew it, but it never seemed to cut in to their rehearsal time for the show....

Alfonso and Witney are safe! Tavis and Sharna are jeopardy, Antonio and Cheryl are safe!

Commercials.

Now for the final results. Sadie and Mark are safe. Michael and Emma are safe so Tavis and Sharna are eliminated.

Tune in next week for Movie night!


Saturday, September 27, 2014

Dancing with the Stars Recap - It's My Jam!

Previously on DWTS: pros and stars danced, a boa got stuck, Carlton kicked Bel Air ass, Lolo got a serious case of stage fright, Julianne showed off her....assets and made passes at people, but Lolo and Keo went home.

Opening number! It's a big ballroom affair. Len is dancing! I bet he is a hoot away from the judges table. Carrie Ann is dancing-ish, Bruno was Born this Way and works it on a staircase, and Julianne gets spun around. I like this new opening sequence style!

First up: Randy and Karina! We revisit last week for filler purposes, then we find out they are doing the Cha Cha. I think Karina had her lips plumped up. She has a Jessica Simpson vibe happening below her nose and above her chin.  Randy's jam is I Can't Get No Satisfaction. It's military themed. Honestly? The rehearsals looked a bit better than the actual dance. Maybe it's because they went first or maybe nerves because of the live audience?!? It wasn't bad, it just wasn't great. Karina's outfit looks like someone played pin the pastie on the the pin-up. Len says his footwork wasn't too great but that his heart gave it everything. Julianne says he has fighting shoulders and it was really fun and a great way to start the night. Bruno says we have a new hip action hero. The energy and enthusiasm are in the right places, just tidy and sharpen everything up. Carrie Ann says she was a little underwhelmed. I agree, Carrie Ann, but the audience apparently does not.

Up to Erin: Randy and Karina get a lot of support from the DWTS cast. She thought the dance was fantastic. Would she tell them if she thought it sucked? Football players were asking her about Randy over the weekend.  Randy chose a military inspired theme because he was in the Army for 6 years. He dedicates the dance to present and former military. Aww, that was nice! Scores: Carrie Ann: 7, Len 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 28.

Commercials.

Next: Janel and Val. Last week Janel was disappointed in their scores. This week, Val brings the hammer down. Janel says his teaching mood is 'kinda grumpy'. This week they look more like friends than lovers. Hmm. I wonder if they were told to tone it down, or if maybe the honeymoon is just over. Or maybe it's the Joey Tribbiani theory that the attraction is palpable until they sleep together and then it goes away. Either way, Janel should be glad she doesn't have Maks as a partner, I bet that would be a much bigger hammer with a lot more force.  Janel's jam is "Call Me Maybe". LOL. They are doing the foxtrot. Julianne says it wasn't a traditional foxtrot, but she loved it. We know it's true because she sang the loved it part. But, Janel needs to stick her feet. Bruno calls her hot to trot and says with a few exceptions, it was almost perfect. Carrie Ann is complementary and says it was close to perfect. There's a lot of facial expressions from Janel during the judging. That is one expressive face! Len says Janel can really dance.

Tom reminds us there is a DWTS live chat happening RIGHT NOW!

Up to Erin: All the instruction paid off! Janel says she likes the tough love as Erin chucks her in the chin, but Erin didn't mean to. I never could see it. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 9 for a total of 34. Janel is happy, so happy. There are lots of facial expressions and hamming it up for the camera.

Moving on: more people dance! Commercials.

Next: Lea and Artem. Lea is having trouble with having been in jeopardy. This week they are doing the jive. Lea is adorable. Insecure, but adorable. Lea's jam is Land of 1,000 Dances. She was worried about doing the jive, but it looked great! She makes it look easy and it totally is not easy! Her posture could be a little better, she slouches or something. Bruno says she was incandescent like Ann Margaret. He did notice that she missed a tiny pass. Carrie Ann says the ladies are killing it tonight. Um, it's the 3rd dance. She is starting to get get all Bruno on us. And then she falls off her chair. We don't see it, we just see the empty chair. She's okay. Len says Carrie Ann kicked him in the lower portion. Tom, "Isn't it great it get feeling back there again?" Heh! Everyone reacts hugely! Because this is LIVE TV! Len loved the jive and so did Julianne, who got chills more than once. She also says that Lea held her own.

Up to Erin.  Artem became a U.S. Citizen. Congratulations, Artem! Erin rapid fires questions at Artem. He looks like a deer in headlights. Then again, the citizenship test isn't rapid fire and high pressure like that. Nor does it ask your favorite state. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, Julianne 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 35.

Next week is movie night, in case you are interested.

Next: Michael and Emma. Michael must have watched last week's show or read the reviews or something. This week he's super charming and funny and doesn't obsess about Bill Envall. Good job, there, Mikey! Michael's jam is Girls In Bikinis. Emma isn't thrilled about the prospect of wearing a bikini, so she ends up putting one on over her clothes. And then she says she's rocking the Betsey and does a cartwheel into a split.  HA! Not to be outdone, Michael also puts on a bikini top. He is not, for the record, wearing a shirt. Okay then.

Commercials.

And we're back! Emma and Michael are doing the samba. Emma is wearing a bikini, albeit a very modest, you-can-dance-in-it bikini. I'm not sure where the samba is to be honest. It's a lot of hip shaking and some samba steps. Up in the balcony, everyone is politely applauding. Carrie Ann says she saw a 'wonderfully agile hip rolling pool boy, but not much samba.' Len says he put the sin in syncopation. It was wild and wacky but he liked it. Julianne says he mastered the hip roll but it's the 'in betweens' that need some work. Bruno says Michael is the envy of America because he's surrounded by Bond girls and throws around the dirtiest sounding names. Blah, blah, blah. Not much feedback about his actual performance.

Up to Erin. She mentions the hip rolls and Michael says, "I was just so happy, Erin. I couldn't contain myself. I forgot to do some of my steps properly because of the enjoyment I was having being with (and then he sings) girls in bikinis."  The audience loves this. On to scores. Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, Julianne 6, Bruno 6 for a total of 24. They were hoping for a 7, but they are going to keep working.

Travis and Sharna are up next. They are doing the Cha Cha this week but Tavis is doing press for his book, which is cutting into his rehearsal time. It looks like they are rehearsing everywhere whenever they get a minute. Tavis is getting stressed out about remembering the steps and says he's going to have a meltdown.  His jam is Boogie Wonderland. Woohoo for disco! Sharna spends a lot of time dancing kind of in front of him, I wonder if that's a strategy.

Len says his tough week showed. It needed to be polished, more Cha Cha content and more detail. Julianne agrees with Len about the details. She felt like it was his jam and that he performed it really well. Bruno demonstrates disco because of course he does, and then he says Tavis has the disco fever moves but the Cha Cha was too stompy. Carrie Ann disagrees and thinks he got the steps.

Off to break and when we come back, we get scores and Alfonso and Whitney. Alfonso is dancing to Will Smith because of course he is. Well, if DWTS can't get Will Smith in person they'll use his music, dammit!

Commercials.

We're back - Scores! Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, Julianne 7, and Bruno 7 for a total of 28. Tavis says they'll take it.

This week the pressure is ON for Alfonso and Witney. Alfonso says their job is to work as hard as they can and then try to top it.  Witney's face does not show agreement with that. It's going to be super difficult to replicate because last week was the first night and the judges weren't really sure what to expect. This week, they know what he's capable of and are going to expect more. That's a lot of pressure on both of them. Honestly, I think we are going to find Alfonso is a bit of a high-pressure perfectionist and will take it personally if he doesn't meet his own expectations. So this show will either be a great experience for him or a horrible one. And, at practice, he's already in his own head. They are doing the samba and are both getting frustrated. Witney impresses me. She handles the situation beautifully and says she is just worried about letting him down. Girl, you are fine. Alfonso is right. He needs to learn how to deal.

Time to Get Jiggy Wit It. I could watch them dance for hours. They are so good! I'm not sure how much samba it had, but it was a great, great routine.  The audience loved it too. Julianne says he's great and makes everything looks wonderful because has the Alfonso groove. She wants to see the Latin and ballroom groove. Bruno says his personal style, charisma and feel for the music is unique. But he agrees with Julianne that the performance was astonishing but lacked the samba bounce. Carrie Ann says he lost connection a little in the  middle and that it was a solid performance, but not his best. Len says he was popping like buttons on a tight shirt and that the last two dances were right up his alley, Next week they will do the Viennese Waltz and Len wishes he was going to be there to see it.

Up to Erin: So Alfonso IS a perfectionist. Alfonso, like a true pleaser, is going to listen and try to follow the advice.  Scores: Carrie Ann, 8, Len 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32. Not bad, Alfonso! They seem okay with the scores.

When we come back - Bethany and Derek dancing to All About that Bass. I love that song...have you seen the Jimmy Fallon/Megan Trainor version? It's better than the original.

Commercials. Time to fund all that spray tanning.

We're back. Tom informs us that Lea and Artem are leading with 35, at the bottom are Micheal and Emma with 24.

Bethany and Derek are talking about their performance last week. Taylor Swift tweeted their performance and it trended. Awwww! In rehearsal, Bethany says that she's been having problems with her ankle since last week. Derek is concerned. Bethany says it's getting worse. Derek says she smiles it off.  Bethany now says it's getting a lot worse. Will it affect their performance? They are doing the foxtrot. Derek is a choreography genius. They use a bass in the dance and I'm guessing he revamped it a bit to take some of the pressure off Bethany's ankle - well after she freakin' balances on it. HOLY COW! His visual style just kicks ass. Period. Sadie in the balcony looks concerned. Bruno says it was a Bob Fosse foxtrot and that she did it very well. Carrie Ann says she's doing a great job at telling the story with dance. Len says its a great number! Julianne says Bethany is her jam and that it was awesome.

Up to Erin: She wants to know what's better - having Len, the social media shunner, say put that in her blog it or having Taylor Swift tweet it? Bethany says it's all surreal. Erin asks about her ankle, and Bethany says that when she's out there it's nothing and afterwards it's painful Then they show the bass balancing again. Since no one told her it was dangerous, she didn't think anything about it. Go girl! Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 33.

Coming up are Antonio and Cheryl doing the rumba, and Betsey and Tony. Betsey looks amazing this week. Very old school glamorous.

Commercials

And we're back. Oh, Betsey and Tony are up first. We revisit boa-gate.  Betsey is going to have a make over. She's always wanted to be like Ginger Rogers. She is worried about messing the dance up. Betsey and Tony are doing the foxtrot this week. Betsey's jam is Girls Just Want To Have Fun. When I watch her dance, I totally forget her actual age. The dance is elegant and well done.  Tony is thrilled! Carrie Ann bows down to her and  says "All hail Queen Betsey!" and loves that her talent was shown rather than her fun personality. Len says last week was a night to forget and tonight was a night to remember. Julianne says it was a make under and that it was beautiful and timeless. Bruno says she's the glamour queen of the night and Mr. DeMille was delighted. Okay, but how was the dancing?!?!?

Erin asks her how she feels. Betsey says she feels completely remade by Tony. She says that she's never felt pretty and that Tony wanted her to feel pretty. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, Julianne 7, and Bruno 7 for a total of 28. Betsey says 7 is her favorite number.

Commercials.

Now it's Cheryl and Antonio time. Cheryl is afraid of bees as I am and does the don't sting me dance. They are frustrated in rehearsals and go outside to have a conversation about it, only they are wearing mikes and it's taped. Weird! Now we get to see the dance. Antonio can actually move really well, and that rumba is hot. I have no idea what the song was, though. A Google search informs me it was Adorn. Len says not to over analyze and to just come and enjoy it. He says there's no secret to this show, you just have to come out and better every week. Julianne says this dance is a lot better than last week and she's impressed. Bruno agrees and likes his lines. He tells Antonio that he has a nice butt and to use it even more. Carrie Ann says it was subtle and that was the right approach. She tells him to watch the arm that's not in hold.

Scores after the break. Next up are Sadie and Mark. Via video chat, Duck Dad that has a problem with a costume cut down to the crack of her ass in back. I don't blame you, Duck Dad.

Commercials.

We are interrupted for a special report to tell us we have started airstrikes on Isis.

Back to the show..just in time for scores. Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 31. Apparently Antonio can't remember the dance?!!!? I'd know for sure, but instead I know we are making airstrikes on Isis, which is important to know but not relevant to the show.

Tommy and Peta. They open with a Cheech and Chong skit. Heehee. Also, Tommy is forgetful. I wonder what could have caused that? They are dancing salsa to Higher. Peta says they need to focus on technique and can't rely on just his personality...Bill Engvall would disagree. Tommy has some serious rhythm and he makes the dance look like fun. Julianne says it was fun, fast, funny...effing fabulous. Bruno says he can party like it's 1969 and that age is a state of mind. Carrie Ann says he's the big kahuna because was the first to bare his chest. She also says that he danced smooth and right in the pocket of the salsa. Len says was overdosed on fun. Well done.

Up to Erin for scores. They get a standing ovation on the way. Erin mentions the open shirt and says that Betesy says she felt pretty tonight so how does he feel? Chong: cold. HAHA! She asks him how young he feels. He says...oh, about 72. ::snicker:: Peta feels like he brought the house down and that he's amazing. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 28. Erin asks what they have in store for next week and Tommy deadpans, "Please vote for us because if you do we'll save the world." And there you go!

The final two dances are coming up. Jonathan and Allison and Sadie and Mark. I'm already tired of the chicken/duck wing move.

Commercials.

We're back! The pros are Getting Jiggy With It too!

Jonathan and Allison are talking about last week in a nail salon, I think. Bet they are getting pedicures from all the abuse their feet go through. I know I would. Jonathan says that three weeks ago he didn't even know Allison and now he feels like she's his best friend. Slight pause and she says, 'totally'. That sounded sincere. Cut to the studio and they are doing the Cha Cha. Jonathan is excited about the Cha Cha. Allison says that Jonathan's sexiness comes across as funny, and cuckoo, and uplifting and she just needs to hone him back down. However, the next scene is Allison saying, "Make love to me!" as they do body rolls and she yells out, "uunnnnnhhhhh...boom!" and then "oh. OOOHH". Must have been quite the...body roll. Jonathan says he has to bring out his sexy side and then gets all goofy. One more awkward scene between Jonathan and Allison with sexual innueno-ish and then we get to see them dance. Finally! Thank you! His jam is Sing. And they kiss. Wow. Peta and James saved that for the finale last season. The moves are sharp and Allison has incredible legs. Bruno starts talking and Tom says he gets creepier as the show goes on. Bruno says they were rushing some of the steps and then he gets cut off by Carrie Ann who says there wasn't enough Cha Cha in it. Len says it was jerky and contained very little content. Allison looks upset. I would be too. Julianne says she agrees with not enough content but they have potential for growth.

Oh. The balcony is called the sky box. Good to know. High fives for everyone. Erin says something about flim-flam and Jonathan says it's a dessert. Allison defends her choreography and says she wants to bring something unique to the show. Jonathan points out they are both new to the show and therefore flying somewhat blind. I recommend watching past seasons because content has always been a big thing with the judges. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 30.

Commercials.

Finally we get to Sadie and Mark.  He was impressed with her performance. He says she was cute last week and this week she needs to be swag. Then we see her dad give his input on her costume for this week. He doesn't like anything and then she comes out in her robe and he's all "Mark! This is perfect!" I don't think he thought that through because while it does cover more skin, let her twirl around a bit in that and we'll see way more of her than we would in a skimpy costume.  They are doing a jazz routine to She's Country. She's wearing very short cut-off shorts and a tied up sleeveless shirt that reminds me of a picnic tablecloth. Well, that's a sexy little routine. But seriously...can we stop with the chicken dance? It's not a wedding reception and she's got mad talent. She has to have had some dance experience. As they walk to the judges table, Tom says, "Daddy's little girl is growing up fast." Carrie Ann asks if her dad was okay with that routine. I second that concern. She thinks Sadie killed it. Len says jazz and country don't quite gel for him. Julianne says she's a natural performer and the thing that was so special about her from last week were her leg action and her technique and that she missed that this week. Bruno was supposed to be skipped but is having none of that tonight. He keeps it simple and says that it was great.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 31. I'm super distracted by Sadie's mouth movements. Maybe she's wearing Invisalign or has something on her teeth to make them white or make it easier for her to smile.  Mark and Sadie seem disappointed in their scores.

Review time. We are given info so we can vote. Lea and Artem are still at the top of the leader board and Micheal and Emma are still at the bottom. We'll see you tomorrow for elimination.