Thursday, September 18, 2014

Hell's Kitchen Recap 9/17

Last week on Hell's Kitchen: I have no idea because I don't normally watch this show, but I'm assuming that there was lots of drama, mess ups, and cursing. Kidding. I saw the "previously on" lead in to the show.

Last week, the teams competed in some sand challenge where it looks like they were digging up elephant trunks? Octopus tentacles? Mutant fish?  The men won that part, but then the women won the precision challenge and kept their winning streak going. Yay women! The girls were rewarded with the beach side equivalent of Chuck E Cheese for grown-ups and the men had to dig big holes in the sand...whilst wearing their chef coats. That must have sucked. Sterling and Fernando obviously don't like each other, and at dinner service the women blew it. The Ramsey yelled a lot, then kicked everyone out of the kitchen. Four nominated for elimination, Janai was the one to go.

Intro! ::eyeroll:: I'm never going to keep these people straight. I apologize in advance. 

Denine feels like she was thrown under the bus. Sterling is really happy he's still around and doing the Rick Flair 'WHOOOOOOO!'  with what looks like an attempt to do the Soulja Boy dance. 

Lots of angry words and lots of bleeps. Something about being disrespected. Steven is going to beat the living beeeeep out of you, Sterling. Do you get bonus points if you curse more than Gordon? Is it in the contract that you have to say at least six curse words per show? I used to work in food service, and while there was some sailor-level cursing going on at times, we never would have gotten away with that where customers could hear us. 

Uh oh...they are all called back to face The Ramsey. He thinks their communication sucks. Hello, pot, meet kettle.  Danine and Sterling have to step forward, Steven wants Sterling to go home. Danine and Sterling have to give up their jackets...but lest everyone get all excited that they are leaving, The Ramesy gives them new jackets. Then he gives everyone else new jackets. 

Ah! This is going to be a challenge. Chefs have to rely on their teammates to read the recipe and directions from the back of their new jacket and then must make the item. That seems...risky, especially with the amount of animosity going on within the teams. They have 45 minutes. 

Fernando repeats paprika about 20 times. That's annoying. 

Time's up! 

La Tascha and Santos got the chicken enchilada recipe. Who puts an egg on a chicken enchilada? And which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Anyway, The Ramsey pronounces Santos' chicken enchilada as too dry and the point goes to the Red Team. 

Katie and Steve cooked fritattas. They look TOTALLY different on the plates. Katie's tastes better than it looks, He likes Steve's as well, so both teams get a point. WTH? If it's a competition, shouldn't one person win? 

Ashley and Aaron have Shepard's Pie.  The Ramsey pronounces one of them as dry and dreadful. Point goes to the Blue Team, so Ashley is not the Little Bo Peep to Shepard's Pie, then. Moving on...

Danine and JR got cheeseburger. JR was super confident in the kitchen about his cheeseburger. But wait...no. Danine wins this one because JR's was still raw. Bllleecccch. Point to the Red Team!

Kailen and Bryant have lobster spring rolls. Point goes to Blue Team. Well, that was short and sweet. 

Jennifer and Sterling face off over lettuce wraps. And they both get a point. This is stupid. 

Sade and Frank got spaghetti and meatballs. Sade's dish is dreadfully under-seasoned so Blue Team gets the point. The Ramsey likes Frank's sauce which Frank says was his mother's recipe. Betcha not for long, Frank. 

Roe and Fernando are the last to face off. They got empanadas, but Roe didn't know what she was making and thought it was a tart. I know not what empanadas are other than what's on the Taco Bell menu, so I thought they were a dessert. A tart isn't too far off is it? I don't know. Fernando looks smug. I'm not sure I like Fernando. Even if ABBA did sing a song about him. The point goes to...

commercial. 

And we're back, The point goes to...Blue Team, giving them a win with 6 points to 4.  The Blue Team gets to go to the Venice Beach Boardwalk to zip line. Then they get to dine at a fancy pants hotel. 

Ashley is mad that the boys are celebrating.  Were they supposed to be sad?  The women get to clean up the kitchen and prep for the service tonight. There's lots more cursing and yelling, but this time it's happy cursing and yelling...until we flip back to the women and then it's all angry. 

Danine won't help grind up coffee beans. Why are they grinding up coffee beans in what looks like meat grinders? Since she was on the chopping block last week, it seems like she'd be more eager to pitch in. But apparently not. Danine, you in danger girl!  

The guys are interrupted from zip lining and yelling and having fun to go eat a delicious meal. Tough life, man. It's an expensive meal. I believe it was Maine lobster, salad, and foie de gras. Then some really fancy dessert prepared by Chef Waylynn Lucas who the screen tells me is co-owner/chef of Fonuts. I don't know if she did the entire meal or just the dessert. She describes the dessert for them. It's chocolate with a coconut de-something or other on the bottom. Frank is drooling over Waylynn. It's very Jersey Shore, but then Frank is from Staten Island, so he probably either watches MTV or knows Paulie D. 

The girls catch something on fire. The announcer says Danine has turned the kitchen into a hazard. Dude, a kitchen is filled with knives and heat. Of course it's hazardous. Everyone is mad at Danine! 

The men are praying. That's probably a good idea. And thank you for not cursing during prayer. 

The Ramsey stresses communication. I have a bad feeling about this. 

It's service time, baby! 

LOOK! Celebrities! Someone from Basketball Wives, Elizabeth Rohm from American Hustle, and Wendy Williams. 

On the menu tonight: Chef Ramsey's classic menu BUT there's also a coffee rub kobe steak appetizer that will be prepared table side. Roe will do this for the Red Team and Fernando will do this for the Blue Team. Kobe beef is the most expensive beef in the world. Better not waste any, then.

JR is on appetizers. There is communication. Bryant is on fish.  Sterling is doing fish. Bryant and Sterling are having some trouble with each other. Bryant says the scallops aren't ready, Sterling says they are and takes them to The Ramsey. Bryant is in the  middle of trying to take over the station when The Ramsey asks who did the scallops. Bryant points to Sterling, The Ramsey says nice job. Dayyyuuuuuum. Maybe next time, Bryant! Appetizers are a go for the Blue Team. 

Red Team - Sade and Katie on appetizers and La Tascha is on fish. The ladies sound like they are communicating well. Time crunch! Katie is annoyed and wants Sade to shhhhh!!!! Appetizers are going out!

Fernando goes to the wrong table with his coffee rubbed Kobe beef  station. That would have been an expensive mistake. 

Roe is at Wendy Williams' table. Wendy says she is a foodie. Roe says she is not going to burn the Rolls Royce of beef, so she of course immediately sets it on fire. Roe then blows on it to try and put out the fire. Honey, it's not a birthday candle. Plus also, spit. Gross! She'd better be careful! It would be beyond tragic if we had an MJ/Pepsi commercial/Flaming head incident. Even Wendy is concerned about her wig. Smart move, Wendy! 

Appetizers are flying! 

Blue Team:  Aaron on meat, Bryant on fish, Frank on garnish. PRESSURE! Frank is going too slow for the others. Oh my God, The Ramsey is  being complementary. This means something is about to go really wrong. We are wating on Frank. Frank is freaking. Does Frank need a hand? Yes, but he says no. 

And here goes The Ramsey yelling. Frank has burned the brussel sprouts. Bryant over-cooked the halibut. Aaaand...cue the cursing. Is he going to make them eat it? Maybe that should be the punishment..eat the food you either under or over-cook.  The Ramsey pulls all of Blue Team out of the kitchen to yell at them about communicating. That should help. Then he shuts them up them in a pantry. Um, if burned or overcooked food is a concern, seems like the thing do to is NOT pull everyone out of the kitchen and shut them in a pantry.

Oh, never mind, they are back. I'm confused. Oh, right...standard reality drama. 

Back to the Red Team. 

Danine is trying to help but Kaylen says she doesn't need her help. (She totally does) Kaylen put raw lamb on a plate. Shouldn't they know the difference between raw and cooked? The raw lamb goes back in the oven, Kalen keeps opening the doors to check on it. Jennifer suggests (and someone yells out) that she needs to keep the oven doors shut to stop letting the heat out. Kalen, you should listen to your team mates and their communicating! Second attempt on serving the lamb and...nope. Still raw. The Ramsey yells to get it back in the bleeping oven! Yes, and then leave the oven door shut so it will cook! Kaylen is slammed on the meat station, so Kaylen slams the oven door. Yeah, that will help it cook faster. The Ramsey is not amused. 

Back to the Blue Team. Second entree attempt. There's more yelling, I mean, communicating. Halibut is...ewww. That looks gross. It's raw. Well, in all fairness, The Ramsey did just yell that it was overcooked. Gee wiz, Gordon. You're never happy.

Bryant got thrown out of the kitchen. 

Red Team: 3rd attempt at lamb. FINALLY. The serving of the lamb! Too bad Anthony Hopkins isn't in the restaurant tonight. The Red Team is rallying.

Blue Team! Steve has replaced Bryant on fish. If I were a customer, I'd be ready to leave already. Mostly because of The Ramsey, though. Frank is still discombobulated.  And the fish has left the kitchen! 

Aww, that's cute. The boys are trying to communicate, which really means they are all yelling at each other. The garnish is not acceptable. Good plan, Ramsey! Make them eat the food that they messed up. Frank gets thrown out. 

Red Team: Wendy Williams walks into the kitchen. Risky considering that Roe almost caught Wendy's wig on fire already. Oh dear! The salmon is raw. The chicken is as dry and a beep in beep in a beep beep. The Ramsey throws a tantrum. That should help. Then he kicks them out. What about the people who still haven't gotten their food? Is The Ramsey gonna do it by himself? And, more importantly, if he can, then I smell under-cooked salmon three days old. 

Commercial. 

1 1/2 hours into dinner service and over half of the customers haven't gotten their entrees. This would be a good show for the Bahamas. No one cares down there how quickly stuff gets done. 

Blue Team is looking good. Seems like things are running more smoothly. Santos thinks they got rid of their dead weight, i.e. Bryant and Frank. Oh my God, did I just hear The Ramsey say 'Good job'? 

Red Team goes back to the kitchen and The Ramsey says they need to come up with two nominees for elimination. Wait, what happened to the customers? Did they ever eat? Did someone call Papa John? Inquiring minds need to know! 

The girls are discussing nomination for elimination. Drama! Ashley says she is embarrassed by her team. The discussion points to the meat station as the source of the biggest problem. Kalen and Denine are bickering back and forth about whose fault that is. The editors remind us via flashbacks that Denine asked Kalen what she needed her to do and Kalen said she had it under control. Wow. Everyone smokes! Bicker bicker bickering.

Back to the kitchen they go! The Ramsey asks for the nominations for elimination. First up: Kaylen because she feel behind on meat and messed up the team.  Second up:....commercial break.

And we're back! Second up: Denine because the team feels they had to carry her again. 

Kaylen and Denine defend themselves by pretty much repeating what we've already heard. 

Decision: Denine is gone. I cant tell if Kalen was more relieved or upset. Denine is bitter. 

JR is talking smack again. I hope you're next, man. 

Red Team: Jennifer says "I feel like I'm going to pass out." And then she does. Oh NO! Call a medic! To be continued!  

Next time - the kitchen is brought to a halt by one member of the Red Team (Kalen) and it might be on purpose! Well that's nothing new, is it? Two members of the Blue Team form an 'unlikely alliance' cough*SterlingandFernando*cough. The rest of the Blue Team hatches a sinister plot that turns into an all. out. war. We know this because the announcer tells us so. It will also be a very important episode. Drama! War! Yelling! Cursing! Anger! Cooking! Sharp knives! I wonder if anyone ever stopped to think that maybe you shouldn't piss off a bunch of people that don't seem all that balanced anyway in a competition where they have ready access to knives, fire, and salmonella? 

Yeah, I didn't think so. 

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