Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Dancing with the Stars - Pitbull time!

Last week was partnership switch up but no elimination, The judges were hash, Jonathan's eyes expressed his disbelief at the feedback, Michael didn't do well, and apparently Witney was reduced to tears after dancing.

This week Leah Remini is guest hosting for Erin, who seems to think the World Series is more important than Pitbull night. The World Series doesn't give mirror ball trophies, Erin. Priorites! I'm not sure about this whole guest host thing. Ugh. This is going to be a long night. Just sayin...

Pitbull is shakalalaaaka on firrrrrreeeee. He's also the guest judge. Is Len ever coming back?

So as a judge, what is Mr. Worldwide looking for? Mr. 305 is looking for fire and a word in Spanish I can't recognize and something hotttttttt. Okay then.

Jumping right into things: Tommy and Peta are safe! Janel and Val are in jeopardy. Jonathan and Allison are in jeopardy. He doesn't look that surprised, everyone else looks stunned, but that might be because of Janel and Val.

Jonathan and Allison are dancing first. We get a recap of last week and his dance with Peta still looks dangerous and awkward. Jonathan enters the studio with his best Jack Nicholson "I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack" and Allison drags him into a closet??!? but of course doesn't shut off the mike and we hear her tell him. Be you. Be you. Okay, says Jonathan. Come on out of the closet, Jonathan. Allison has given you a life metaphor opportunity! Just be you and come out of the closet! But good luck taming the expressions.  Allison voice overs/interviews that the judges and America need to see who he really is. I agree. Michael won the class clown role this season. Let him do his thang and you do yours, Jyebrows.

They are dancing jazz this week to a Men in Black song. The Pitbull one, not the Will Smith one because Will will not be coming to DWTS. Okay, show!?!! He's not coming. This dance is awesome. They do some lifts and they are light years ahead of last week. Amazing!! I like this Jonathan!

Judges;  (Tom loved it!) Julianne starts off like she's gonna be harsh and then says he gave her exactly what she was looking for. She holds her arms out for a hug and he jumps up on the table like a puppy and hugs her. LOL! Bruno says he was slick, sharp, and he hopes he stays. Carrie Ann says the best part about him is his resilience and that he didn't miss a step. Pitbull, whose real name is Alfonso Christian Perez, compliments the song choice and says that Jonathan looks just like Will Smith. Psych! He calls them extra terrestrial dance moves. But we only have two hours so Tom shoos them up to Leah.

Leah: you killed it babe!! And she tells him to give her the eyes. When he's too busy talking and being serious, she does the eyes. O. M. G. I take back any reservations about her guest hosting! Then everyone does the eyes. I'm dying!!!!!!!!!

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Pitbull 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32.

Commercials and then Janel and Val.  Teaser for show drama. Shut up, ABC.

We are back with Janel and Val. It's an awkward moment in the studio. He tells her that he felt a little uncomfortable last week. She tries to get him to say he missed her and he does, but I smell production interference. We see some tension during rehearsal. He gets mad and leaves. Janel seems more worried about her hair and the rolling cameras. Whatever.

They are dancing Samba. I love this song, but I have no idea what it's called. There's something off about this dance this week, but I don't know what. She looks really emotional too. I wonder what's going on.

Judges: Bruno says that's how you corner the market on hot Latinas. He compliments her body movement. Carrie Ann says she's always amazed with her and that she performs with her whole body but her balance was a bit off. Maybe that was it. Pitbull says the singer is one of his favorite performers. He also says he didn't feel the passion. Yes, that was missing too. Julianne says the routine was almost competition level and she thought it was great.

Up to the sky box, but first we plug the live feed with Lacey and Dominic. Yawn.  Leah asks them about the lack of passion, Janel says she always feels passion when dancing with Val. He even waxed his chest. He does the Steve Carrel re-enactment from 40 Year Old Virgin but he doesn't do it well. You should stick to dancing, Val. Janel is the actor of the two of you. Leah calls him out on his 'storm out' during rehearsal because he came back in for his keys. Janel didn't notice because she was looking in the mirror and messing with her hair. Sigh. Sniiiiiiiffff....what's that odor? Oh, right. Manufactured drama.

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Pitbull 7, Julianne 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 33.  She tells them to go fool around. ABC, hire her IMMEDIATELY!

Peta and Tommy are next .Commercials.

Florence Henderson is in the audience. Hi Mrs.Brady!

Tommy and Peta do a skit about 'recharging their batteries'. They go to a sweat lodge since ABC will have none of the marijuana nonsense. Cloris Leachman does a guest appearance as his vision.

They are dancing the foxtrot. He looks to Peta for cues, but it's a decent foxtrot. He always looks like he's having fun when he's out there. I'll be sad when he goes.

Judges: Carrie Ann says he's back and in great form. A few mistakes, but he brings so much joy to the dance floor. Pitbull says he's the most interesting man in the world. It wasn't perfect, but he was fun. Julianne says that was the Tommy from week 1,2,3, etc. Bruno says he was better in hold.

Up to Leah. She says he killed it, and he says, 'Almost, it almost killed me'. That was also the first time he'd seen that full sketch bit so it threw him a little.

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Pitbull 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 28. He says he feels great but needs votes.

Oh, Len will be back next week. Sweet.

Commercials.

We're back. Paula Abdul is in the audience too. Is that Justin Beiber beside her? I hope not!

More results: Lea and Artem, Sadie and Mark, Antonio and Cheryl are all safe!

Antonio and Cheryl are next. Antonio gives Cheryl a flower with thorns still on it. Nice job, dude. In rehearsal, Cheryl gets a text that her dad had a seizure and she might have to go to Thailand. She's in tears and he tells her "it's a hard time for you, I feel it. I sense it."  I know he's trying to be nice and supportive, but that's some really bad acting, right there. They keep rehearsing while waiting to hear back from Cheryl's mom. Now, that part seems real.  The next day we find out that Cheryl heard from her dad and he wants her to perform. I really, really hope he's okay.

Time to salsa! This routine had the potential to be incredible, but Antonio always seems to stomp through his choreo. I think he's trying really hard, but it's just not natural.

Judges: Pitbull says that was a sexy record and it was fun out there. Julianne says he takes what they say and works on it. She loved the story line and gives Cheryl a shout out for her dad. Bruno says she created the perfect atmosphere and that Antonio needs to get the hip action right. Carrie Ann says the trajectory of growth is consistent. He needs to feel the music. Oops..out of time!

Up to Leah! Yay! Cheryl says thank you to her DWTS family for all the support. Antonio says that family comes first. I agree! Leah fake-bitches about the fact that he didn't take off his shirt and demands that he take it off RIGHT NOW. He says he'll take it off next week. Leah looks like she's going to take off Cheryl's head the way she keeps hugging her.

Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Pitbull 7, Julianne 7, Bruno 7. A total of 28. That's fair. I thought Antonio's score last week was a bit high, especially compared to how everyone else scored. Leah says, "I'm not going to ask you how you feel but I'm just gonna say it. That sucked. The scoring, not you guys." I love her.

Commercials.

Sadie and Mark are doing the rumba. Sadie doesn't want to do the rumba. Sadie is concerned because she's not sexy, and wants the dance to be sweet.  Um...do you remember the Country Girl dance? She says she giggles when she feels awkward and we see footage of her giggling a lot. Mom and Grandma have approval over choreography and there are a couple moves they don't like. Mark is concerned because he wants to respect Sadie's beliefs and wishes but also knows he has to choreograph a rumba.

They are dancing to Rhianna. It's elegant and sweet. She is seriously talented.

Judges: Julianne says this was a beautiful story about falling in love without being raunchy. Bruno says she is a sparkling little jewel of a dancer. Pitbull says it was simple but powerful.  Carrie Ann gets to give feedback when they get scores.

Leah says it was cute and fantastic and Sadie says she's glad to get it over with and is ready to move on. Mark says his priority was Sadie and her feelings. He feels like he found the perfect balance.

Scores: Carrie Ann gets her feedback in! Sexy, gorgeous and age appropriate. 9! Pitbull 10, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 35. Sadie starts to cry. Awwwww. That made me tear up!

Witney got hurt in rehearsal. Oh no!!! And then, of course, commercials.

Lea and Artem are up next. Lea asks him "How was your lapdance?!?" HAHAHAHA! In rehearsal they are talking about having to compete with Alfonso. She's having trouble remembering the steps, he's getting frustrated. She thinks he's making the dance more intricate than it needs to be and he says great isn't good enough, they need amazing. But hey, no pressure.

Dance time. Umm....okay. There's nothing wrong with the dance. If they messed anything up, I didn't see it. But I wonder if someone gave her some E or something. Some of the Lea's solo moves seem slower than tempo, but that could  have been to make it simpler. They get to the judges table and she sticks out her tongue. Wow. She has a long tongue. I'm going to have nightmares now. She keeps fondling her hair. It's getting uncomfortable.

Judges: Bruno says it's a taste of la dolce vita of Miami Beach, but she needs to be careful of her shoulders. Carrie Ann says she's a little disappointed and that she felt Lea was trying too hard to compete with someone else and that she needs to play her game because she is fantastic. Yes, Carrie Ann!! Pitbull says he didn't know Jean Claude could dance that good. HAHAHAA! Julianne says she thought Lea was the girl to beat from day one. She needs to trust her partner and trust herself.

Up to Leah. Leah asks Lea if the pressure got to her and Lea says no. Lies! We see that she scratched up Artem's back. Okay, who gave her the drugs?!?! Tommy, we're all looking at you, man. She's got to be on something. Then Lea says Artem's one wish is to be in a Lea(h) sandwich, so she makes one. and they have to bleep out Leah. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAA! Then she tells Artem, 'ease up, ease up, I'm married to a Puerto Rican!' Please hire her, ABC. Please, please, please!

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Pitbull 8, Julianne 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32.

Commercials.

We're back!Alfonso and Witney are safe! Bethany and Derek are safe! Michael and Emma are in jeopardy and they are dancing next.

Michael and Emma were upset with Michael's scores last week. We see him in his NASCAR element and Emma tags along for I'm guessing PR. We even get to see Dale Earnhardt Jr.

But now it's time to tango. They are tango-ing to a very slowed down version of Give Me Everything Tonight. It works really well. Tom tells Michael that was the most confident Michael had been on the dance floor.

Judges: Carrie Ann says this was a different approach and it worked. Pitbull said he did a great job. Julianne says they were all pretty tough on him last week. She says that they do that because he hides behind the comedy yet she can see how much he wants this. Tonight he was authentic and that's what works. Bruno says he had dedication, focus, and connection and it was a great improvement.

Hey! People! Log on to DWTS live because Lacey and Dominic are talking to Meryl and Amy from last season.

Up to Leah: Leah calls the dance amazing. Michael says he got so excited he tried to kiss Emma but he missed. Leah: well, you got farther than a lot of men! Leah asks Emma how she thinks they did. Emma says she's proud of him and he's a champion in her eyes. Aww!

Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Pitbull 7, Julianne 8, and Bruno 7 for a total of 30. Those might be his best scores to date. Emma and Michael look really happy. Emma gets emotional and Leah tells her there's nothing wrong with it, that she's invested and Leah understands since she went through it herself. She kisses Michael on the cheek and he says, "I got to kiss you too!!" and Leah quips, "I'll kiss you right on the lips!" and she kisses him lip-side. Close enough, I guess. He looks pretty happy with it. Tom, "All Artem got was a Leah sandwich, Michael got a lip kiss!" Heh heh heh!

Commercials.

We're back! Last week, Derek told Bethany she was swag-a-licious. They have to go to Australia for Bethany's YouTube obligations. This, obviously, cuts in majorly to rehearsal time and at rehearsal, they have a lot of trouble getting through the dance entirely. They are doing the Argentine Tango. Her hold looks off or maybe just off balance. This is simpler choreography than I'm used to seeing from Derek, but it's probably better to have simpler steps that your partner can hit than complicated one she can't. This was not my favorite dance from them.

Judges: Pitbull says he likes the synchronization in the beginning and even with the slip up that no one saw, it was an amazing job. Julianne says this was pure tango and was well done. Is no one going to call her out her odd hold, then? Bruno says it was straight down the line pure ballroom. Carrie Ann says she thought she was watching Nicole Scherzinger

Up to Leah: Leah says they only got 7 hours of rehearsal time. If so, they did an amazing job with those 7 hours. Leah says that was amazing. Derek says something with an attempt at an accent to which Leah says, "Are you supposed to be speaking with an English accent? Was that supposed to be Australian?"  Derek replies, "Yeah, it was pretty bad" and pulls a face. Leah: "I give you a seven!" Derek, "Well, I gave myself a five" Leah: "Good! Because you don't know what it FEELS like to get a five or a seven DO YOU!?!?!! DO YOU!?!!!?!?!!?!?!?" and then playfully beats him about the head and torso and possibly crotch with her microphone.

ABC - HIRE HER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Pitbull 9, Julianne 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 36.

Next up are Alfonso and Witney. She looks okay even though she got hurt in dress rehearsal. I guess we'll find out when we come back.

Commercials.

We're back. Alfonso got injured too?!? Alfonso had fun with Cheryl. Witney and Micheal got all 5's and Witney got really upset. Alfonso goes to comfort her in the bathroom. The next day they talk it out. Witney seems like the sweetest young thing ever. I guess she felt a little upset with how well Cheryl and Alfonso did last week. But they gloss right over that and I guess everything is fine?!? Turns out Alfonso hurt his groin muscle doing the Carlton. That sucks because you are going to use that muscle a lot in any dance. We see him struggle in rehearsal. Nothing else about Witney and her injury so I guess she's fine. Way to drop the ball, ABC.

They are dancing salsa to the new big booty JLo song. You honestly can't tell which one of them is the pro and you can't tell either one of them was injured. After the dance, Alfonso is obviously in pain and says he felt his groin pull again.

Judges: Julianne she loved it, but would have loved to have seen more salsa. Bruno does his Bruno thing and says he could have danced all night. Carrie Ann spanks Alfonso and says it's a 10. Alfonso, "Now that's how you get spanked!"  Pitbull says he hit 'em with the Trinidad, hit 'em with something something something. He stands up so I guess he liked it. Alfonso is slow, really slow, going up the stairs. I bet he's really hurting.

Up to Leah: She says, "What happened, babe?" Alfonso: "When you get older and go full out, groins typically...have a problem." Leah: Let's...not...discuss....it. This is an ABC show. Alfonso points out that it's after 9 and Leah says but there are kids in the audience.  So when he says groin, does he mean he hurt his twig and/or berries? Because I can't understand why a groin muscle injury would be so taboo.

Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Pitbull 10, Julianne 9, Bruno 10 for a total of 39.  Alfonso: I feel really bad and I feel really good. Leah says that JLo was there tonight and she was proud of what they did. There's some back and forth about shaking booty with booty in the house but it's late and I'm tired from all the groin play.

Commercials. When we come back, it's elimination time.

In jeopardy, Janel and Val, Jonathan and Allison, and Michael and Emma. Michael and Emma are safe. The couple eliminated is... is..... is..... Jonathan and Allison. Awwwww, man! Jonathan seems okay with it. I'm going to miss his expressions and his Jyebrows. ::sadface::

See you next week, peeps!

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